Madhumita's Blog

Humans have this tendency to believe that once we are passed 18 we are all matured in every field of life. This is more so with academically brilliant persons. These people display excellence in the pursuit of knowledge and hence have a tendency to trust that everything else in life move in harmony with intelligence. Unfortunately the greatest reality about life is besides academics all other forms of maturity come not from perseverance, it comes from facing real life situations and rising above obstacles and failures.

A matured person may not have a lot of educational qualifications but they are real life geniuses. If a person is not surged with adrenaline in day to day upheaval’s of life it’s not because he is brilliant or educated, it’s because he has learnt to adjust the sail of his life’s boat with the direction of the roaring winds of life and the storms from time to time. The more protected and disciplined a life you have led the lesser tuned you are to handle these uncertainities.

No form of maturity be it emotional, sentimental or handing freaks of day to day living can be learnt from any text. Life teaches us through situations. It’s meaningless to believe that just because some one is brilliant they are fit to handle everything. Life never fails to teach us with every struggle we survive through.

That farmer who always prays for the rains and struggles with the soil everyday knows the trick of the game far better than any scientist. The experience to facing odds actually prepares us for greater adversities. Books enrich our knowledge but problems enrich our skills.

Some of the indices of maturity are:

• Ability to find a good in every person
• Ability to percieve every person’s limitations
• Soaking into the fact that I am not all knowledgeable
• humility
• empathy
• optimism in the darkest hour
• Ability to understand that every situation does not need my expert comment.
• We are all here on a temporary journey called life, nothing is permanent, our power, position, relations, friendship, no possession.
• finally all our fortunes and misfortunes are also a part of this changing scenerio.

A matured person is as such not a measure of one’s age or social position or academic qualifications. Matured is a person who can smile in an unpalatable situation with the same amount of genuineness as in a really blissful position. They understand that every standpoint does not call for their criticism. At the same time they also know how to juggle out their views in a circumstance where it’s absolutely mandatory.

Such people usually can earn the love and respect of most categories of persons they gel with.

As days roll on in life, all of us reach a stage when we no longer care about what people say. This is the stage when we’ve learnt to handle sarcasm. The less experienced we are with life the more conscious are we about what people say and feel. When perceptions and beliefs have set in to our roots we start to feel confident about our moves.

However, a section of supposedly enlightened intellectuals who believe they are way ahead of everyone else may turn to be pinching and fault finding in day to day life. They fail to realise that this world has it’s own variety. Not everyone loves the same kind of meal, outfit, profession or lifestyle. There is’t any need for judgement or sour comments.

Judgemental people for reasons best known to them are never appreciated. We adults mingle in the society only for social exchange of thoughts, mutual admiration of living and if possible a helping hand in distress.

When life rolls on different tracks of careers, it’s only the wearer who knows where his foot hurts. Instead of pouncing on every other person be it in public or in private and creating surges of adrenaline, it’s part of maturity to be appreciative and adjusting.

Even your own children or sibling wouldn’t accept sarcasm in anyway.

However, the section of unhealthy sarcastic intelligent people survive enjoying their hobby least realising how unacceptable they evolve to be.

May such sarcastic critics live on in their paradise and the rest of the world sail on in their diverse colourful lives.

There are times when I wonder if given a chance to revisit parenting what would I do different. I have been a mother to two boys who have proved to be brilliant, accomplished and independent good humans. The challenge we faced was to loose their father when one was just over 14 years and another a little over 6 years. With family support in the form of my parents coming over whenever needed for that physical presence and emotional support on the major crossroads, we were otherwise sailing independently.

The predicament of raising funds to realise dreams of gifted ambitious children is indeed exhausting. There were times when juggling motherhood and fatherhood messed up my spirit and emotions. Insecurities galore and I am sure at times I was a nagging mom and at other times a completed disconnected confused soul. Learning where to hold and when to let go honestly at the right time cannot be calculated without the mistakes committed in the process.

Least did my kids know how dependent I was on their dad. He not only catered to our family needs but also never allowed me to soak into many of the hurdles we sailed by. Finances was something I learnt to handle only after he was gone. The first time I wrote a cheque for their school was a life changing moment for me. I told myself that yes I will now on raise every penny myself and never allow shadows of uncertainty of education, meals and health ever grip my children.

The promise was made inside me, but the realisation of the same was a herculean task. I confess that I slipped, fell, tripped, got lost but somehow moved on to that one single goal… “A great future for my boy”. I let go friends, opportunities and many simple pleasures of life only to hold on to my goal.

Looking back I understand that all my insecurities were centered around the fear of loosing myself before the journey got over. Honestly I always thought what would happen if I die along the way.

My primary focus was to make them independent. The importance of teaching then to make a simple meal, to drive and to survive alone was my priority. I always tried to morbidly save for the future and also give them whatever best I could on that day.

Sons I know I am not a flawless mom nor did I ever try to be one but I can honestly tell you I am a focussed, dedicated mom even today.

Looking back I feel I could have been a little more complacent with all that was happening. I could have trusted the process of our moulding into where we’ve reached today. The insecurity of loosing myself was real but the trust in this universe put everything into place.

I have to apologise for all my undue upheavals for the clouds of uncertainties that gripped me from time to time.

Now as I sit back and reflect on the past I am only thankful.

The next journey and concern ahead is definitely my survival in solitude that I am in. I should admit that I enjoy my space but the concern now is what if I fall a prey to issues I cannot handle alone.

The faith in this universe where we three sailed not knowing where the shores are is definitely because the wind adjusted our sail. Even now I work, pray and carry on for myself and trust the journey till I dock my ship.

THE INDIAN ATTITUDE

I love my India. I am holding on to invitations of immigration because I want to live here. But some experiences are honestly reverse jolting. Last week I was flying out from New York to Delhi in a bubble flight of United Airlines. The passengers were over 50 % Indians. Before boarding there was a lot of covid related formalities at the New York airport. Every person there was polite and nice. Nobody was in a hurry and every queue was a sequence of highly civilized quiet people. While on the journey also everyone was no different from the Americans or Europeans who flew as passengers.
On landing in Delhi, God knows what kind of socio behavioral changes grip these civilized nice people.
Some encounters are not imperceptible even if you love your motherland. The first distaste was at the immigration desk. I was suddenly at the head of a queue at a counter which was initially closed. There I took about 30 seconds to open my passport and hand it over to the officer. Oh No! he blurted “Why so slow, Jaldi ki jeya “. I swallowed it and moved on.
Next came a queue where they check the airsuvidha documents or basically ones negative covid report. Here a well-dressed polite gentleman of New York pushed a few others including me to hurl his way ahead. The rest I know not. But in a few minutes, there was a heated exchange of words between him and another gentleman.
When my turn came for the covid report check I was lost within everything around.
Suddenly an American lady came in and politely uttered “Men if you have a fight carry on but wear your masks and give us the way.”
I stood speechless, took me a while to soak in …. Some people wear a costume of chivalry in foreign lands which they throw off with privilege when they touch their home soil.
Can we react better?
Perhaps our population asset has always proved to be a double-edged sword. For every Indian making anything happen has for many just meant crashing a gate. From admission into a preparatory school to buying groceries or vising any office to reach it always means either push by force or pull with contacts. This will perhaps have to be addressed with care first. Our children and their off springs will need to see that most things happen as we move along. Insecurity gal ores amongst most of us. But we are also known for our hospitality and care. A little extension of this attitude topped with faith and confidence should definitely make us all what we should be. Pleasant and peaceful human interactions are always nice. Once we perceive this it will automatically reflect in our behavior.
Life cannot be pushed hurriedly. Everything has a pace of momentum. Going with the flow is happy and relaxed living. Peace cannot be achieved without patience, a perception we need to nurture.
With the teeming ever busy crowd its also difficult to not be one of them. But sure, if some people start this attitude of holding on to rules, I am sure some others will follow. Sir its not about your outfit or fancy gadgets that speak your personality. The true revelation of a person is in their interactions. These interactions in turn are again in true colors in situations where we need to hold on.
Another aspect of our attitude is that we often fail to appreciate that all public property also belongs to each one of us. Why are our roads and sidewalks littered? The person who maintains etiquette in a shopping mall doesn’t hesitate to throw trash on the sidewalk. Its sad to sometimes notice people walk out from expensive cars and not teach their kids the rule of throwing wrappers etc in a trash can. Now if a child has never learnt that a road is not to be used to dispose things and the sidewalks are not open washrooms. Alas! The next generation will also go dismally. I understand that we all want to be polished in our looks but without our behavioral modifications no way can our rowdy careless attitude give us a respectable place in this world.


By
Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

Friendship is something that hibernates through thick and thin. Life has proved that the vibes of thick friends are survival strings during teens and early adulthood. But as Life bogs us down with responsibilities of work, parenting, career suddenly friendship takes a back seat. But blessed are the ones who can move on with life and see the ray of second sunshine. This second vibe of bonding with friends and family surfaces for the lucky ones. If life has left you without disease, family hardships and uncertainties one can enjoy life once again. It’s a huge luck and privilege to get to enjoy with old friends and relive the past.

The ones who get this privilege can never ever appreciate what others who’ve fallen off this journey have missed.

Old friends can help you to let out all your bottled emotions and pain that keeps us rolling in life. When we were children and young adults we share certain vibes which definitely changes with maturity. We perhaps become more grounded with the realities we’ve faced. Life moulds us with the sequence of events that happens. Success gives pleasure and failures usher pain. But for the ones who know to blend the ups and downs of life they start being humble, simple and appreciative with everything that they’ve faced.

When old friends gel once again and reconnect with the child that they were to the adults that they are. They over pouring of emotions that happen can heal lot of unseen pain.

This is a huge pleasure and a blessing that every person needs to appreciate and be thankful for.

Life gives us many treasures. Old friends are really one such priceless asset.

Over years men have analysed human personality. It’s established beyond doubt that type A personality persona are high strung, not peaceful and worriers.There worries often has no foundation. These people worry when the sun shines for the heat and dust, they also worry when it rains for the coolness and mist.

But there is yet another kind of people who we’ve seen are always messed up. This mess is not because they have not streamlined lives. They are usually the ones who have wonderful support systems and most sequences of life’s variables in normal formats. Supporting family, decent work, proper health and financial security. This subset of people appear to be blind to blessings. They are always over worked and in a hurry. This hurry is not to cater to ambitious mindsets. It’s simply to meet daily needs.

The hurry that some people mould into their personalities actually impact both their physical and mental health.

You must have noticed that successful people are usually relaxed, organised and always at peace with themselves.

If this single element of being patient and content with day to day life can be nurtured that impact on happy living is unsurmountable

Life never ceases to teach new skills. This is a real sequence in the course of a day that left an imprint of a wonderful life skill. It’s age perhaps that moulds in one’s maturity and interpretation of good and bad happenings.

A normal day at work for everyone it was, for me however it was a day after a minor surgical procedure I had gone through the previous evening. As a single female in a busy city life there’s hardly a soul who can spare a moment to reflect what it’s to manage such a situation by oneself. But it was done and dusted with help from a dear student of mine.

It was pretty obvious that next day I was in some post operative pain. But I decided to brave through the day like all other coworkers. Not trying to put up an excuse for leave I was happy to complete my official commitments. Later as I sat down I conveyed to one of my supposedly close friend at workplace about how I managed the day. The reply came life a bullet from the barrel “This is no credit. Don’t expect me to do the same”. I realised that if you are a boss you better not talk. Some people have no respect for hierarchy, friendship or good will nor empathy for a friend.

These are friendship lessons.

The world often rolls on certain weird forms of trust. Many people work, coordinate and survive on conditional trust. They believe that I can trust a person who’s my subordinate only because that’s the area of mutual interest.

As a common rule in today’s world it’s sometimes difficult to convenience people that some humans work for humanity. If someone is working hard and making some people in some form of pain find relief, the question that most mortals start to ponder on is what’s the buried engrossment. The invisible perception of contentment that a soul soaks in can only be appreciated by likeminded ones.

It’s true that we need to work for our daily bread. However in life, when you’ve lived and earned your bread some people would like to move a step further and start sharing. Yet another class may want to step a little ahead and start giving. Sharing is actually from what you’ve already got. Giving would mean that you recreate your skills or abilities to comfort someone in need.

Unless you for once bask in the pleasure of healing with no personal interest of financial or prestigious prominence, you can never interpret nor sense that bliss of healing with rapture and ecstasy.

It’s time for us to start believing that just as there are nefarious activities which cause pain to the society , their are also nonpareil souls who gather and send vibes of healing, joy and hope.

If everyone in this world would have been selfish and pain inflicting where would the positive undercurrent of happiness come from to create that aura of delight and contentment that we balance our lives with.

lets all start approving the fact that ” beautiful, pure, happy souls exist even today and they try to spread felicity with eloquence”

The crux of social haemostasis is mutual response in a conversation. We usually need to remind ourselves from time to time that in every interaction my opinion is not the final word. There are often occasions when people share thoughts in a crowd only in anticipation of a positive response. It’s our liability to decipher that the discussion is for dissemination of facts or a colloquy for views, impressions or judgement.

It’s not that every person can always stay chilled with discontentment inside.However as we evolve in life we get to learn that in most circumstances the ability to soak differences in opinion can be mastered by just silence with or without a smile.

Life definitely mellows us down with time and experience. The final outcome to self management of dialogue is creating a savoir faire person.

The ability to keep smiling with a storm of discontentment or anger inside can only be mastered by a seasoned person.

There may be occasions when one feels that all my opportunities will slip out if I do not blurt with aggression. Yes we cannot allow ourselves to be exploited by hustlers and charlatans. But the right time place and decorum to speak out needs also to be learnt.

If we believe in ourselves and stay on track our dues can generally not be robbed. There is also an unseen energy in this universe which controls the uncontrollable and that if you wish to believe is the law of karma.

At the same time it’s of course moronic to not go and avail our rights, but to maintain human etiquette and decency in this process is each of our responsibly.

The greatest tools is situations of squabble is silence with or without a smile.

Most people are very conscious about their image and identity being polished, prim and upright in public eyes. Some would move mountains and cross mortal limits to just keep glowing in the society. The resources often used to keep this image are usually outfits, accessories and a pompous aura. The position of excellence one holds also impacts this image. However if one dwells into the issue closer you would agree that their are some subtle observations that are more pertinent in the personality of a being than just all this.

If in a crowd you find a person very polite, more so when an unknown person maintains courtesy, dosen’t that impress more. No enlightened person would find it striking if you only materially accessorise life. `

When in a society whether with people known through official interactions or social acquaintance it is always important to maintain proper protocol of interplay. It’s actually irresponsible for any person to believe that the other person is only responsible for all healthy communication. If and only if I maintain etiquette, propriety and politeness of my demeanour and deportment can I expect others to reciprocate in the same vibe.

The section of people who survive on expectations of other people to keep things rolling are the ones who actually shoulder the weight of misunderstandings and interpersonal distress.

But all this apart. If each one of us start being conscious about our civic responsibilities and social commitment this world will become a better place for all of us.

Imagine a society where every person is polite. Each is conscious about their dues in terms of official and social responsibility there will be no expectations unresolved.

Simple ways of self commitment actually makes the society as a whole polished, content and socially complete.