Madhumita's Blog

We as human’s are emotionally dependent on each other at various levels of subservience. There are situations when we feel intimidated unless that particular friend, or spouse or child comes and just stands by us to say “don’t worry”. Although in reality one person strategically manages the blueprint of things, but that person feels confident when there’s a soul to lean on. We say that a person is strong or not according to how they handle life. But if one looks closely we realise that being strong is not a choice or a nurtured skill. Strength comes from situations handled with no choice but to hold on.

Every human is a product of the circumstances we face. If someone has forever been hand held and spoon fed they can never rise up to a crisis. They will break and shatter down to oblivion. Those people who’s rush of endorphins hold them together will bend but not break, they will struggle but not sink. The art on confronting crisis is a product of exposure and experience.

Human’s generally have a tendency to believe that the amount of stress, strain and pain I’ve handled is insurmountable. But still waters run deep. The real survivors are resilient and never look for appreciation. They perfectly know their abilities and limitations and are never on the look out for recognition.

Each soul is handling a situation at any point on time. The interpretation of the scenario as a struggle or a or a commitment depends on individual choice.

An ever cribbing individual can find their daily grid a highlightable challenge , whereas yet others would take it all on their stride and handle quotidian responsibilities. The resultant personality of any person depends of their mindset.

Some people complain about the sun when it’s bright and they also complain about the rain when it sprinkles. The interpretation of events and the handling of situations ranging from daily schedules to catastrophe depends on the attitude and mental programme of every individual.

As a doctor I’ve often noticed that people react so differently in similar situations. Some are in denial, some accept, yet other scream, cry and exhibit emotions. The ones who a higher in intellect and education often reveal nothing but burn out internally.

The concept of confronting crisis is extremely personal and individualised . We all mould along the way. How we reacted a decade back will never be how we respond today. Everyday, every new berth we step into shapes us to be the new self we emerge to be. The template that defines us at every stage in life comes from the myriads of crisis we confront everyday.

We hold, we break we reshape and emerge stronger with every passing day.

Let the mind soak it, subsequently the body will shape it and the revised, polished and fit personality in us emerges.

Dr Madhumita P Das

In life we wade through multiple scenes of good, bad, happiness and contentment. There’s just no one who’s forever happy nor forever sad. It’s often curious to notice that some of the most successful, materially rich and well placed souls are the most unhappy. They land up being critical, sarcastic and rather sadistic in their interactions. If by fluke of circumstances you need to work with a colleague in that pitiable state of mind, you either should learn to ignore, disrespect or yield to the taunts of words and deeds and live in misery.

Closely looking at such people over years, it’s this realisation that’s seeped in that these mortals are store houses of remorse, dissatisfaction and materially hungry beings who are never grateful for anything they have. Here we need to appreciate that there’s a difference between pride of possession and humility of gratitude.

If someone is proud of their position they can only radiate arrogance and vanity. Grateful people remain humble and carry an aura of self respect, dignity and charm of amicability.

Every being in this world has their own share of talents and limitations. As per their ability each person achieves their dues. Just the fact that someone is wealthy and affluent it’s mindless to gauge that as a measure of accomplishment. You don’t need money, power or position to be gratified or happy. Infact wealth management and fear of loosing power and position are often the greatest triggers for ever sarcastic socially repulsive people.

Practising gratitude is an element that comes from self love, self discipline and perseverance to improve. What do people gain by hurting and demeaning others. The day you step down from your power and position you mingle into oblivion, beware.

Humans as we are, we are always waiting for alignment of expectations to be peaceful. If we reflect back we will certainly absorb that every deadline of hopes which would make us happy ushers in a new pursuit. This never-ending journey of tasks, expectations, realisations and newer pursuits is actually the drive of existence. Infact, that’s what healthy normal living is. If we do not wish to achieve things in life we will have no zeal to move on. It is this flame in us which has moved mankind along all achievements of science, technology, literature and life.

With all these achievements of mankind, has also rolled in problems of anxiety, depression, panic and emotional wreckage. Everyone will perhaps have different interpretations of this situation. With whatever life has unfurled in the form of real time events and learning from texts it makes one feel like the ability to draw a limit to the attachment of pursuits and hence contentment is crucial to peace.

We have to pursue goals to move on and attain fulfilment in life. The ability to decipher the point at which one should feel done is a real life skill. It’s only those who can time this detachment from the ever ongoing journey of achieving dreams, can they soak into peace.

Peace is always within us. To feel peaceful we have to concentrate on every emotion that ignites the string of worries in us. The ability to tell oneself that beyond this point I cannot control this situation, is an expertise. Living life is the greatest teacher, managing problems are the best tests, after that all the wreckage or the victories to continue to remain grounded and sail unperturbed is real peace.

We get morbidly attached to people and situations neither of which is constant. Our forefathers leave us once their journey is over, we should learn to not brood. Our siblings raise their own families. Beyond that our morbid attachment with our children makes us insecure and troubled. We should accept that children as they grow need their own space. If we want our children to hold on to us forever, we not only ruin our own peace but also their evolution and tranquility.

Life is actually a sequence of changes. Nothing is constant. Our priorities, our beliefs, prospects, contentment and fortune everything is very interim. With everything fleeting around us we still seek refuge in every attachment. We prove to be fugitive to situations in life and that drives us away from that soulful peace we all seek.

Living in a society, raising a family, working through limitations if we seek to feel peaceful without being a troglodyte or a solitudinarian we should master the art of timely detachment. There needs to be faith in self. Man is bound to depend on each other for survival and that’s perfectly normal. However, to unnervingly clench on to situations and people causes insecurities, unholy expectations and remorse. Wise is the person who can let go in measured bits the attachments that do not heal. We should learn the right time when to loosen the crick of our grip.

Children grow, parents age, situations change. Let’s teach ourselves the ability to forget when needed and mould into every change . If we can teach ourselves to mould, remould and hold on to every change can perhaps our souls perceive peace.

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

We humans live our lives usually both to be happy ourselves and to spread love, cheer and happiness. Once we have our food, clothing and shelter taken care of we normally want to give something to humanity. We show our affection for fellow humans with our behaviour and care. Deep down inside us we would like to be loved, cared for and remembered by mankind.

However, the spontaneous outburst of love for the very talented Assamese singer Zubeen Garg is beyond what one can actually apprehend. The sea of humanity spanning across all age, gender, religion, social strata and all possible affiliation of people is just unbelievable. It’s actually sad that many did not ever get to meet him in person but they held him so close inside their hearts that they also had never realised.

This great soul was a true philanthropist, simple and kind hearted. This outpour of love and affection by the Assamese people has proved that “if you are a good soul people appreciate”. We all would agree that a person always gets exhibition of true love only after death. But this kind of a sea of humanity in tears and rage for the loss is perhaps even the stars never imagined.

Man is mortal. We observe, imbibe, celebrate, mourn and heal. These are all aspects of every mortal in the course of their lives. But one great reality this whole situation has made us realise is love can be infinite, eternal and honestly priceless.

Rest in peace Zubeen Garge. Even with your passing away you have taught us how immensely loved one can be. Your assets were your music and the great human being you were.

The recent upheaval surrounding the incident of the death of a neonat in the NICU has logically surged a huge hue and cry . The question therefore is definitely not why this response. The situation is very heart wrenching if we perceive it from a doctor’s view point as well.

Doctors in general are trained to serve every patient in distress with a promise of rendering their best. They are under oath to heal the sufferings of mankind as far is humanly possible. In the process of delivering their duties many errors do surface at times. The reality is doctors are humans like every other person. The very fact that someone chooses to be in this profession itself is a peril like every other field. It would be practical to not always hunt for faults of this vulnerable professional commitment.

On this day the situation is such that, someone brings a person to the hospital who has perhaps expired on the way. the expectations of the near and dear ones is why couldn’t the doctors on duty revive the gone and perform miracles. Someone comes to the emergency / OPD and does not find a wheel chair, the complaint is who’s the doctor on duty. There’s a short supply of an essential medication prescribed, who’s the doctor on duty ? Medical professionals can handle situations and circumstances within a bandwidth of limitations. No person is versatile. Otherwise every doctor would have been immortal themselves. Every doctor also faces as many hassles as any other person in the society. They are not immune to the situations of life.

The fact that, a section of the society has gotten so remorseful with the deeds of every single member of this fraternity is indeed sad. This situation will only nurture fear and distaste to pursue the profession that pledges to fight disease and death.

No sane mortal can ever wilfully do anything to harm the health status of another mortal. How can the society believe that a doctor under promise to be a saviour can wilfully harm the sick and helpless. Lets try to build up this bridge of doctor patient relationship on mutual trust if we want the healers to also heal and keep going.

DR M P DAS

Humans have this tendency to believe that once we are passed 18 we are all matured in every field of life. This is more so with academically brilliant persons. These people display excellence in the pursuit of knowledge and hence have a tendency to trust that everything else in life move in harmony with intelligence. Unfortunately the greatest reality about life is besides academics all other forms of maturity come not from perseverance, it comes from facing real life situations and rising above obstacles and failures.

A matured person may not have a lot of educational qualifications but they are real life geniuses. If a person is not surged with adrenaline in day to day upheaval’s of life it’s not because he is brilliant or educated, it’s because he has learnt to adjust the sail of his life’s boat with the direction of the roaring winds of life and the storms from time to time. The more protected and disciplined a life you have led the lesser tuned you are to handle these uncertainities.

No form of maturity be it emotional, sentimental or handing freaks of day to day living can be learnt from any text. Life teaches us through situations. It’s meaningless to believe that just because some one is brilliant they are fit to handle everything. Life never fails to teach us with every struggle we survive through.

That farmer who always prays for the rains and struggles with the soil everyday knows the trick of the game far better than any scientist. The experience to facing odds actually prepares us for greater adversities. Books enrich our knowledge but problems enrich our skills.

Some of the indices of maturity are:

• Ability to find a good in every person
• Ability to percieve every person’s limitations
• Soaking into the fact that I am not all knowledgeable
• humility
• empathy
• optimism in the darkest hour
• Ability to understand that every situation does not need my expert comment.
• We are all here on a temporary journey called life, nothing is permanent, our power, position, relations, friendship, no possession.
• finally all our fortunes and misfortunes are also a part of this changing scenerio.

A matured person is as such not a measure of one’s age or social position or academic qualifications. Matured is a person who can smile in an unpalatable situation with the same amount of genuineness as in a really blissful position. They understand that every standpoint does not call for their criticism. At the same time they also know how to juggle out their views in a circumstance where it’s absolutely mandatory.

Such people usually can earn the love and respect of most categories of persons they gel with.

As days roll on in life, all of us reach a stage when we no longer care about what people say. This is the stage when we’ve learnt to handle sarcasm. The less experienced we are with life the more conscious are we about what people say and feel. When perceptions and beliefs have set in to our roots we start to feel confident about our moves.

However, a section of supposedly enlightened intellectuals who believe they are way ahead of everyone else may turn to be pinching and fault finding in day to day life. They fail to realise that this world has it’s own variety. Not everyone loves the same kind of meal, outfit, profession or lifestyle. There is’t any need for judgement or sour comments.

Judgemental people for reasons best known to them are never appreciated. We adults mingle in the society only for social exchange of thoughts, mutual admiration of living and if possible a helping hand in distress.

When life rolls on different tracks of careers, it’s only the wearer who knows where his foot hurts. Instead of pouncing on every other person be it in public or in private and creating surges of adrenaline, it’s part of maturity to be appreciative and adjusting.

Even your own children or sibling wouldn’t accept sarcasm in anyway.

However, the section of unhealthy sarcastic intelligent people survive enjoying their hobby least realising how unacceptable they evolve to be.

May such sarcastic critics live on in their paradise and the rest of the world sail on in their diverse colourful lives.

There are times when I wonder if given a chance to revisit parenting what would I do different. I have been a mother to two boys who have proved to be brilliant, accomplished and independent good humans. The challenge we faced was to loose their father when one was just over 14 years and another a little over 6 years. With family support in the form of my parents coming over whenever needed for that physical presence and emotional support on the major crossroads, we were otherwise sailing independently.

The predicament of raising funds to realise dreams of gifted ambitious children is indeed exhausting. There were times when juggling motherhood and fatherhood messed up my spirit and emotions. Insecurities galore and I am sure at times I was a nagging mom and at other times a completed disconnected confused soul. Learning where to hold and when to let go honestly at the right time cannot be calculated without the mistakes committed in the process.

Least did my kids know how dependent I was on their dad. He not only catered to our family needs but also never allowed me to soak into many of the hurdles we sailed by. Finances was something I learnt to handle only after he was gone. The first time I wrote a cheque for their school was a life changing moment for me. I told myself that yes I will now on raise every penny myself and never allow shadows of uncertainty of education, meals and health ever grip my children.

The promise was made inside me, but the realisation of the same was a herculean task. I confess that I slipped, fell, tripped, got lost but somehow moved on to that one single goal… “A great future for my boy”. I let go friends, opportunities and many simple pleasures of life only to hold on to my goal.

Looking back I understand that all my insecurities were centered around the fear of loosing myself before the journey got over. Honestly I always thought what would happen if I die along the way.

My primary focus was to make them independent. The importance of teaching then to make a simple meal, to drive and to survive alone was my priority. I always tried to morbidly save for the future and also give them whatever best I could on that day.

Sons I know I am not a flawless mom nor did I ever try to be one but I can honestly tell you I am a focussed, dedicated mom even today.

Looking back I feel I could have been a little more complacent with all that was happening. I could have trusted the process of our moulding into where we’ve reached today. The insecurity of loosing myself was real but the trust in this universe put everything into place.

I have to apologise for all my undue upheavals for the clouds of uncertainties that gripped me from time to time.

Now as I sit back and reflect on the past I am only thankful.

The next journey and concern ahead is definitely my survival in solitude that I am in. I should admit that I enjoy my space but the concern now is what if I fall a prey to issues I cannot handle alone.

The faith in this universe where we three sailed not knowing where the shores are is definitely because the wind adjusted our sail. Even now I work, pray and carry on for myself and trust the journey till I dock my ship.

THE INDIAN ATTITUDE

I love my India. I am holding on to invitations of immigration because I want to live here. But some experiences are honestly reverse jolting. Last week I was flying out from New York to Delhi in a bubble flight of United Airlines. The passengers were over 50 % Indians. Before boarding there was a lot of covid related formalities at the New York airport. Every person there was polite and nice. Nobody was in a hurry and every queue was a sequence of highly civilized quiet people. While on the journey also everyone was no different from the Americans or Europeans who flew as passengers.
On landing in Delhi, God knows what kind of socio behavioral changes grip these civilized nice people.
Some encounters are not imperceptible even if you love your motherland. The first distaste was at the immigration desk. I was suddenly at the head of a queue at a counter which was initially closed. There I took about 30 seconds to open my passport and hand it over to the officer. Oh No! he blurted “Why so slow, Jaldi ki jeya “. I swallowed it and moved on.
Next came a queue where they check the airsuvidha documents or basically ones negative covid report. Here a well-dressed polite gentleman of New York pushed a few others including me to hurl his way ahead. The rest I know not. But in a few minutes, there was a heated exchange of words between him and another gentleman.
When my turn came for the covid report check I was lost within everything around.
Suddenly an American lady came in and politely uttered “Men if you have a fight carry on but wear your masks and give us the way.”
I stood speechless, took me a while to soak in …. Some people wear a costume of chivalry in foreign lands which they throw off with privilege when they touch their home soil.
Can we react better?
Perhaps our population asset has always proved to be a double-edged sword. For every Indian making anything happen has for many just meant crashing a gate. From admission into a preparatory school to buying groceries or vising any office to reach it always means either push by force or pull with contacts. This will perhaps have to be addressed with care first. Our children and their off springs will need to see that most things happen as we move along. Insecurity gal ores amongst most of us. But we are also known for our hospitality and care. A little extension of this attitude topped with faith and confidence should definitely make us all what we should be. Pleasant and peaceful human interactions are always nice. Once we perceive this it will automatically reflect in our behavior.
Life cannot be pushed hurriedly. Everything has a pace of momentum. Going with the flow is happy and relaxed living. Peace cannot be achieved without patience, a perception we need to nurture.
With the teeming ever busy crowd its also difficult to not be one of them. But sure, if some people start this attitude of holding on to rules, I am sure some others will follow. Sir its not about your outfit or fancy gadgets that speak your personality. The true revelation of a person is in their interactions. These interactions in turn are again in true colors in situations where we need to hold on.
Another aspect of our attitude is that we often fail to appreciate that all public property also belongs to each one of us. Why are our roads and sidewalks littered? The person who maintains etiquette in a shopping mall doesn’t hesitate to throw trash on the sidewalk. Its sad to sometimes notice people walk out from expensive cars and not teach their kids the rule of throwing wrappers etc in a trash can. Now if a child has never learnt that a road is not to be used to dispose things and the sidewalks are not open washrooms. Alas! The next generation will also go dismally. I understand that we all want to be polished in our looks but without our behavioral modifications no way can our rowdy careless attitude give us a respectable place in this world.


By
Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

Friendship is something that hibernates through thick and thin. Life has proved that the vibes of thick friends are survival strings during teens and early adulthood. But as Life bogs us down with responsibilities of work, parenting, career suddenly friendship takes a back seat. But blessed are the ones who can move on with life and see the ray of second sunshine. This second vibe of bonding with friends and family surfaces for the lucky ones. If life has left you without disease, family hardships and uncertainties one can enjoy life once again. It’s a huge luck and privilege to get to enjoy with old friends and relive the past.

The ones who get this privilege can never ever appreciate what others who’ve fallen off this journey have missed.

Old friends can help you to let out all your bottled emotions and pain that keeps us rolling in life. When we were children and young adults we share certain vibes which definitely changes with maturity. We perhaps become more grounded with the realities we’ve faced. Life moulds us with the sequence of events that happens. Success gives pleasure and failures usher pain. But for the ones who know to blend the ups and downs of life they start being humble, simple and appreciative with everything that they’ve faced.

When old friends gel once again and reconnect with the child that they were to the adults that they are. They over pouring of emotions that happen can heal lot of unseen pain.

This is a huge pleasure and a blessing that every person needs to appreciate and be thankful for.

Life gives us many treasures. Old friends are really one such priceless asset.