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Personal Musings / Realities of life

Is this all about life.

We all sat still, trembling, shuddered. I reflected ….. Is this all about life, living and family.

With covid 19 shaking humanity in most weird ways we have seen so many distressing stories right in front of us. The very fact that a person is left to face pain and mental strain all alone with no healing contact of family and friends is by itself vexatious.

But all said and done we as medical caregivers have witnessed various types of family interactions. Some are obsessed attendants keeping track of every fluctuating parameters of their ones. Some others just keep a daily ferret out of the overall situation. But family is always the closest, dearest and pivotal crux of life.

Covid is an agonising situation. From diagnosis till the end the patient has to face the whole storm with the support of only medical and paramedical staff who themselves are under commitments beyond dexterities.Finally the excruciating situation of cremation being done by people on official duty is actually beyond comprehension even for us doctors.

This incident is about one morning when we were on covid duty. Suddenly there was a call from the red zone ICU. An elderly retired bureaucrat who was covid positive and on treatment had started sinking in all his parameters.During his hospital stay his sole attendant was his only son in Delhi. He would connect telephonically every few days and also arranged for the necessary finances. But we did realise that the patient was overall a lonely man, except for his son who was well placed in job, he appeared to have no one who was emotionally bonded with him.

On this ill-fated day when he was all set to travel out of this material world the medical care givers felt obliged to connect with his son. A telephonic call was made from inside the covid ICU to the son to inform him about his father’s terminal status.

What thunderstruck us is the languid cold hearted response of the well placed man from Delhi.The ICU nurse was hoping to make a video call or render a few words of consolations as is the usual trend.But a sudden offensive blast appeared to elude us all. The cavalier voice from the other side replied. Since it is a covid situation and government shall perform the last rites all I can do is send some flowers across.

We all stood rooted. I felt a weird sinking sensation. Someone muttered in disgust offensive words.

I asked myself, Is this all about life ?

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

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Personal Musings / Realities of life

Happiness is capricious

What makes someone happy at a point in life may be his cause of disgust at another time. In our schooldays we wait for a call from a special friend with heart throbs and butterflies in our tummy. But same friend when becomes a spouse may be boring. To keep such emotions alive its the responsibility of each person involved alike.

I loved rock music and jazz, relished ice creams and burgers . But today my choice is melodious soft beats and enjoy a carbs free low oil proteincious meal.

In the past my regular moral duty was academics and today it is exercise. Just as completion of study hours makes a student feel lighter and happier to pursue hobbies.These days its about exercise.Unless you are a workout freak, it takes an effort to get going everyday and feel happy about it.

But certain perceptions are immortal. The ushering of spring and the song of the cuckoo. The gurgling of the brook and the shower of first rain of the season.We cannot ignore the colours of fall or the soft breeze at dusk.These are stores of happiness unlimited.

For a mother the happiest moment is the touch of the new born. The moment of utmost satiety is first feeding your baby.

Life actually goes on with changing perceptions for release of our happy hormones.

But the band master of this whole orchestra of flowing happiness is in the most insignificant opportunities of life. We should feel happy that we got a chance to see a new day or the touch of a pleasant breeze. A nice meal is a feel good factor. Watching our children grow or our parents age is a great opportunity. Wrapping up a day with gratitude is peaceful.

It’s ultimately what every human is running after ” Happiness and peace”. But we often fail to perceive the blessings of everyday life. People spend time and resources to buy happiness.But this feeling is extremely personal. Peace and happiness are actually following us. But instead of looking around we are often running forever to catch that happy cloud in the horizon which can never be touched.

Happiness is so capricious. If we wish to, we can be happy with everything around. If we have a monumental perception of happiness and peace our journey towards it is never done.

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

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Personal Musings / Realities of life

On Parenting

These days with the evolving digital era and now lately with the restrictions laid by the pandemic I have realised the perils and challenges of parenting have also been mounting. But besides the changing scenario with times parenting is definitely a job that every person wishes to carry out at some point of their lives. The added wonder to this is since no two children are the same their is no common formula to it. I firmly believe that once we are done with parenting a toddler to teens we realise all your mistakes.

My goal of parenting was to bring up two little kids to be independent good human beings. I had to handle this huge responsibility single handedly at a relatively early stage in life. More so the wonder was two little bubbly boys one was 6 and other 13 years of age. But they were full of energy to face the world. I was obviously young and inexperienced but struggling to hold on.

The first point I tried to soak into them was our priorities are health and education.I will try to give them a balanced diet as best as I can and not compromise with schooling. That was the goal set and all other fancy things of life like exotic clothes, shoes, or expensive holidays were for the time being trimmed out of our platter of priorities.I honestly believe children understand.Hardships make tuffer persons at the end of the day. Of course quality time and examplary dedicated lifestyle of parents is crucial.

My observation is pampered kids are usually insecure. They perhaps always believe that someone will carry their bags, wash, cook and clean for them. But if these kids are also brilliant and bright they later perhaps curse their upbringing for the pain of getting along with life. The mouldable ones often adjust and learn the basic skills of living. But the mediocre kids land up with big goals but fuzzy roads. Many develop psychosocial problems and some land up being frustrated. Yet others who have their parental umbrella protecting them till the 3rd or 4th decades of life are usually inutile bootless people.Every individual is made to learn confidence and be happy only when they prove themselves to be worth if possible more than their caregivers.

Excuse me if I am wrong, but parenting and love is not synonymous.Showering wealth and appreciating a child’s attitude to evade social norms are never useful.Some parents are so happy in admitting that my child is different and will not accept what everyone else does.I believe this is sheer ignorance in parenting. The usual expectation is our children will live longer than us. After we are gone, nobody in this world not even their spouses will bear with their supercilious vanity.So being grounded, independent and empathetic are as important as being honest and humble to make a complete person.Parenting should probably be aimed to make a complete human being to run the race of life.

We middle class common people always dream that our children build up a professional career that caters to their aspirations about useful living.In that process my personal opinion is spot their passion.If passion can be nurtured to become a profession more can be achieved with less pain perceived out of the struggle.

Gone are the days of only medical and engineering being counted successful career options . We now live in times when a musician, swimmer, a painter, a chef or a dresser are equally respected and needed in the society.

For those who do not have a heritage of wealth and fortune to leave behind. It is better to nurture your child’s healthy passion to become a successful career option.

Again the attitude of the parents also goes a long way in moulding a child’s personality.The concept of care is not synonymous with helicopter parenting.Some people believe that even giving up their jobs and moving away with the kids for their comfort and security is helpful.While others blissfully allow then to fly out of the nest by the time they are 18.Now what is right and what is wrong is difficult to delineate statistically.However at the end of it all if a kid grows up to be an honest, empathetic, diligent, good balanced human being which in turn is a product of nature( genes) and nurture( parenting) things fall into place.No form of parenting can be called perfect. I myself have committed numerous unpardonable mistakes. Nor do I believe that I can deal with this subject with confidence.But all said and done, I must admit that I am a single mother of two software professions who luckily were blessed to be independent good human beings in their early 20’s.

One very major aspect of parenting I believe is trust.If we trust a child we get that back from them .The other important practice is I believe to encourage them in all their endeavours. Encouragement builds confidence

To wrap up , Luck and destiny also directs the sailing of the boat of life .

BY

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

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Personal Musings / Realities of life

Travel Happy travel light

With the pandemic of Covid 19 raging attacks in waves on mankind many realisations surface. As a medical professional we have closely seen the cycle of birth and death over the last three decades of life.But the situation that has emerged from this biological warfare is different. We have soaked into the fact that death is just one step away from life.

A colleague who worked with us yesterday is covid positive today and tomorrow he walks into heaven.The shudder, shock, despair and anguish at that moment is just not possible to sink into. Each soul honestly thinks that “God I hope I am not the next”

Despite all this, if and when one tests positive, the grip of uncertainties is unsurmountable.But for those who sail out to good health the gratitude also is unmeasurable.

With all this happening around, now at this stage in life some realisations have got engraved in my attitude towards life.

I realise that we travel in life with a lot of extra baggage which actually makes life painful.We should mould ourselves to throw away *Pride. *Expectations *Desire *Ego *Pain of hanging on to grief *Fear *Anguish *Knee jerk or spurt of the moment reactions *Jealousy *Comparison of our blessings with others *Unrealistic goals *Tendency to hold on material memories of life with pain. *Worries about tomorrow.

Instead let’s learn living in the moment with humility, grace and contentment.

Just as decluttering our closet makes room for new things and distributing unused material often brings a smile to many. So also it is with life. The moment we shrug off desire, ego and expectations we feel contented with whatever we have. We just never feel the urge to compare our lives with anyone.

When we stop grieving about our losses, we tide over fear and can control anguish.Our personality then becomes pleasant. Such people radiate peace and tranquility. This stage is difficult to achieve because grief, fear and anguish are our survival instincts. However our ability to overcome all this comes from faith.If we can start to believe that everything happens for a reason. That reason is usually not perceivable now but it makes life brighter in future.This faith helps to cultivate patience to wait and watch. Inturn we become peaceful.

A peaceful person is never jealous or unhappy over anything he does not pocess. Such people are actually happy in the real sense of the word.This happiness is not transient or dependent on the changing scenario of life.

If one can rise above fear and anguish we can also perhaps tame anxiety.The constant fear of tomorrow is a huge burden that most of us carry. That’s also perhaps a survival instinct that makes us work productively and positively today. But if this concern for tomorrow rises morbidly we get gripped in fear and anguish.

The reality of life is in today, more so in this moment. Let us learn to be thankful for this moment that we are alive and healthy with whatever limitations if any but not crippled.The moment we throw away our morbid concern about tomorrow, today feels very comfortable.Trust in doing good and right at the moment. That’s all we can do for tomorrow’s security.

Another very important virtue for good living is never to react at the height of anger, grief, or even happiness. Those are the moments in life when even a genius tends to be biased.When we are not in a balanced mental state our reactions can never be stable.Those are the moments that often leave us with regrets.

The other piece of heavy baggage we sometimes unknowingly carry is “Pursuing unrealistic goals”. If something is not within the bandwidth of ones resources of intellectual or financial capabilities, the pain of running after it will make us tired and unhappy sine dine.

The worst form of pain is perhaps trying to compare ourselves with others. As we all know that every person is actually fighting his own battle.Some people fear the storm while others dance in the breeze. If we trust in destiny and believe in resilience for situations beyond our control we can realise how much we can soak.

There is always an unexplored talent in every person which surfaces only in crisis.It’s universal to panic as the first reaction. But time always proves different. Only after the rage of the storm calms down can we realise how well we withstood the wind, water, hail, waves and fear. So just hang on, use your intellect and physical capabilities. We always land up where we ought to be.In realtime our resilence and ability to fight is always more than we gauge.

MAN IS MORTAL.

Life is never all rainbows and spring.In reality seasons are not timed the same in everyone’s life.When your friend is honeymooning you may be lamenting the demise of your spouse.But when the same friend is struggling with the perils of parenting you may be in bliss of solitude. So perhaps the mantra is hang on or keep moving.Have faith, whichever destination you reach is your predestined fate.

If we can cultivate calmness everything just falls to wherever it should.

If we can accept the good and the bad in preassigned slots of our soul we can face the wind or the breeze with the same calm and we land being a contented peaceful soul.

So the bottom line of life is as and when possible without any compulsion throw off extra baggage and travel light.This attitude can make us feel easier to hang on and find peace even in pain and calmness even in the storms. For life goes on as long as it should.

by

DR M P DAS


Categories
Personal Musings / Realities of life

SECRETS OF A HAPPY LIFE

If health permits trust in only yourself.

Friendship is a boon on some people only.

Family is even greater a blessing.

But happiness in friendship or family is a game of dice.

Work and love yourself.

Cater to your passions.

I have that learnt that nobody else cares.

Do good to others in need, but never burn yourself or your inner peace.

Just to see someone smile.

That much is never worth.

If something makes you happy,

never hesitate to go ahead.

Provided you are not harming anybody else.

But the most difficult thing is,

Fear of being lonely in distress.

Yes if that is to happen.

Believe some light will shine.

Or to the other world you will be taken to rest in time.

NO FEAR JUST LIVE IN PEACE

DESTINY IS PREDETERMINED.

DR M P DAS