SINGLE WOMAN, PERILS PREJUDICES AND PRIVILEDGES

“Single woman” is an identity created by the society for women who stay on without a partner beyond perhaps the 3rd or 4th decade of life onwards. This happens either by choice, separation, divorce, or demise of the partner who today may be of the same gender or opposite.Its beyond then purview of this writeup to discuss about same sex relationship and transgender.

The reason behind highlighting the issues around being single in the society today is that many of the situations are never ever focussed or understood.

Being single as a young woman in the third or fourth decade is a little different from the issues in later life be it 6th, 7th or 8th decades of life.

A section of young presentable women simply face a volley of questions from some morbidly curious people.They want a well researched case summary as to why you have chosen to remain single.

Are you still in love with the man who came to your life as a partner or husband.These queries are often disgusting and unpalatable.At the other end are the ones who like to eve’s drop with derision if a single woman frequently goes out with a male friend or takes a regular ride in someone’s car.For the middle-class Indian mind set the accepted norm is your either are married or in a relationship or pitiably single.

From my journey of being a widow in my third decade of life with two little kids till almost two decades now. I have realised, *People generally take pleasure in showing pity and not empathy. *Most people are happy when you are struggling through troubled waters. *If by chance your ship of life reaches an anchor, oops! 8 out of 10 people are begrudging in reaction.

As a doctor when I started multitasking by working in multiple places to meet my families financial needs. I was actually nurturing two little geniuses who had holy grails for successful futures. At that point in life I met colleagues who advised me to stay back at home and be a good mother.The society often misunderstands that a single woman can stand the rage and be a bread earner, a mother, a daughter, a teacher and yet live a good life.This finally steers the boat of the family to reach a destination of choice.

Yes, even today a class of cowardice machos do take these woman for a ride. More so in domains where females are generally less competent. If you try to construct a house or settle land matters, hurdles are many. I accept that these situations unless a person is acquainted with, the feeling of being taken adrift is universal.But the response encountered by a single female in these places of work are at times most dispiriting. I have landed up paying 4 times the usual rate because of ignorance about the concerned matter.

These sundry of umpteen experiences has a list unending.

It would also be completely erroneous to not mention the arduous journey of any single parent and the sacrifices needed to make it worthy.

The idea of this piece is definitely not to project that single females lead a thorny life. They also have their privileges and pleasures.If someone is single by choice or even by chance with no added heavy responsibilities life is enjoyable.The lady who opts to live within her fetters can celebrate her living to boundless contentment. However health and finances are crucial pre determinants to plan anything in life. Blessed are the ones who enjoy solitude and are by nature independent and confident.

Recently the news of a celebrity female who did the cremation rites of her husband has been focussed in various forums with admiration. But without any prejudice I wish to mention that in my late 30’s, I did my husband’s last rites as the kids were too young to accomplish such devoir.

After that over the next two decades I enjoyed all the good and bad of life and living including the hassles of job and postings away from home. However if any single mother can be courageous enough to malleably slide along the curves and corners of life and take blind dives into unknown waters, the sailing may be rough but life gets going.

Recently also on the demise of my father, me and my sister did his last rites.We never thought it’s something to mention about. I thank my stars that I’ve been born to a family where gender discrimination for shouldering responsibilities was never nurtured.

Being a woman is a wonderful journey, but not to be prejudiced during upbringing is crucial. It is definitely a curse to believe that chores and obligations are gender biased. The perils and privileges are as such not the same for everyone. The society where one is born and brought up largely determines the social blessings and hurdles.

One major concept life has taught me is expectation is the source of all pain. It is the naive and untutored single female who hopes that help comes from people who you actually believe are your closest. Life has taught me that I survive on help that has poured into my journey as blessings from most unexpected seraphs.

Many a times I’ve gone and hit a dark wall which looks like the end of everything. But suddenly a lamp lites up from nowhere and I am guided to rise again.This promise to rise and fall is crucial for every human being. But the difference here is, you often do not have a crutch to hold on and limp.

If one has a family, however small or languorous the members are. All same people join hands in distress.The unhappily married woman often does not realise, that a partner itself is a social security. Besides if your partner shares financial responsibilities that’s another benediction. Baring major marital mishaps,I am tickled when some women complains about their qualified spouses being useless. If there is a soul in this world who will extend a hand when you are drowning then one cannot be luckier.

All said and done, it takes courage to manage life alone.Yes, one needs to be resilient to many social trenchancy. But I am yet to equip myself to face the rage of old age and physical limitations.

When such thoughts haunt I take consolation in the fact that, sailing this far was possible with blessings unforeseen. I presume the sun will set on life when it should. Trying not to hold on to fear expectations and hope, but it’s for sure an uphill battle.

By

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das