I wonder

Sitting on the edge of the fifth decade with years of living and working I am sure we can all reflect. For me also I have nothing unusual to highlight. But I sometimes feel am I hallucinating. Going back to an empty nest ( without my partner) cooking, cleaning and resting is so normal for me. I am pretty much used to my private space. But sometimes I understand that not many people like it this way. I go for movies, holidays, parties and social events all alone and am comfortable. The other day a random friend mentioned that if you enjoy going to a movie theatre alone you have achieved solitude. I asked myself, how can this be an achievement? Perhaps because I love myself I don’t want to neglect my yearnings. It’s also because I cannot gel with everyone for too long.
With all this and my independent living I sometimes wonder. Is it true that
*I had a spouse.
*I mothered two sons
*They are my own sons but grown up.
* I once cooked for a family.
* We all have splendid memories together.
I still live in the same house, sleep on the same bed and eat on the same table. The walls echo memories and every little thing has a piece of happiness in it.
All this happened to me in this lifetime?. I trust I am not hallucinating.
How have I chosen to be happy this way?.
Today is the 3rd of September 2022. Long 18 years since my husband left us.
Our boys ( our jewels) Raja and Jeet managed to get educated in America after disaster struck but I don’t have any loan to repay.
They both are now fortunately settled in America much better than many other kids of their background.
How did all this happen?
Today both my boys and my daughter in law called up to check if I am doing fine. Honestly I am fine.
I who was such a pampered and loved daughter and a wife could perhaps excel as a mother.
This destiny of single motherhood is defiantly a challange. All I did to my knowledge was focus, buck up and run.
The destination was not visible but imagination was framed.
I wanted the kids to be independent, good human beings. There they are.
I now pray that we can carry on holding hands like this. Health is a great treasure to be ever thankful and praying for. I pinched myself and realised that all this is reality.
Life has moved on for close to two decades now with memories that were painful to ones being imprinted.
My conjugal life was much shorter but this virtually contend life has been longer.