Month: October 2023

The concept of weightage given to any event in our lives is entirely personal priority. However certain occasions I feel are accepted unanimously as landmark. Just as every mother and child are tied by the umbilical cord so also cutting it at birth does not ever mean emotional separation.

Can any mother appreciate the feeling of not being physically present for your child’s wedding. I am obviously not looking for an opinion poll. It’s just a personal gush of memories and thoughts that can torment some women.

As a child is born the wonderful journey of parenting starts, there begins healing of the child birth pain with all the outpouring of endorphins from maternal instincts. Nobody can naturally love a child as much as the mother who’s conceived, grown and borne a baby. It is difficult to sink into the reality that there may be a reason for a mom to miss out on such an important day of the child’s life.

After birth a very important day is obviously the occasion of the child’s wedding. There will be people who believe this is weird thinking. Thanks but I am not looking for you today.

It also depends on how one lines up each their own priorities. For a family who is on the path of immigration the equations are balanced a little differently. I want to see my sons settled comfortably with their soulmates at a time when they are looking for genuine companionship. Every first generation immigration has to handle the trauma of separation, loneliness and insecurities a little differently. I am that mother who has decided to not stand in between my childrens aspirations and ground realities. This wedding at this timing within 3 months of my last visit had to be planned because of better reasons.

For me juggling between the official formalities and responsibilities of a government job and the role of a mother were not easy to be sorted out. I did what my limitations said. But I am ok.

It’s a big day I am missing out in person. I am thankful to the almighty that Raja, Jessica and Alana are there. Mampu, Matu deserve a special thanks.

But my dear Jeet and Kylie, Ma loves you with all her heart and soul. Forgive me for my physical absence. But emotionally I am holding you.

God bless you my children.

28th October 2023

The ups the downs, the all time changing landscape of life is definitely not without reason. Every person one meets has personal stories to highlight, how unavoidable circumstances created storms of good and bad in living. Actually life is perhaps what happens when we are busy planning other things.

Looking back , I must admit that most of my seasoning has happened as a result of bitter realities. Unlucky are the ones who always had unchallenged cushioned sailing lives. If you have not faced a sea storm you don’t know how to adjust the sail to stand the wind.

Its only those people who have fought the rage of circumstances will have the skill to row steadily juggling the tormenting flow of unseen events.

Holding on cooly to the ground when the surroundings compel one to shunt between rage, fear, anxiety and emotions is actual maturity. Aaha! easier said than done. Situations that create moral conflict “to move or not/ yes or no” are at times taxing.

But we are all here on an unwritten contract of service to this universe for an undeclared duration. Since we are all in the same boat on uncertainties, we should learn the art of acceptance. The capability to live in the present moment accepting all blessings is a huge asset for some.

Mourning, brooding, complaining are basic responses. But smiling and moving through good and bad is definitely a consciously nurtured virtue.

But all said and done. Today I stand at a crossroad of huge happiness and uncontrolled emotions as my little boy is getting married across the globe in a week from now and I the single mom cannot make it to be there physically.

It’s Durga Puja here which means family bonding, celebrations and happiness. This soul here is already feeling left out. Nothing to get on to the spirit of the season. Over all that imagine your little Jeetla getting married in the midst of the mountains of Colorado in the company of his brother and cousins. Me the mother here is balancing sentiments and reality. Life will definitely move. I am not looking for words of comparison with anyone else. But this is life. Everything is possible and acceptance and moving on is what’s most practical.

Prayers, blessings, courage, love everything galore for Jeet and Kylie.

Children stay happy across this globe. Ma is with you in spirit and soul.