This is often a lesser discussed concept. However with every other family who are managing a home and raising kids, does anyone even for a thought imagine what it is to sail alone. Most people highlight their limitations when one parent is temporarily off line. But unless you run over the grill of balancing parenthood and work together it is not easily comprehendible. Humans are naturally created to be either a mom or a dad. A female child loves to play with a baby doll trying to be the mother and boys love cars and guns. This is of course not mandatory but when circumstances compel otherwise the sailing gets bumpy. It also perhaps depends upon the situation.
These days some youngsters by choice adapt single parenting and they follow their own strategy of accomplishing it. My highlight here is to share the major hurdles that I as a single mom encountered 20 years back when I had to manage two boys one in his early teens and another just 6 years old.
The 1st feeling is just a thunderous, fearful, sinking fear of uncertainty. There was always a castle of high hopes and aspirations nurtured over a decade of married life which got crushed in the blink of an eye. The initial few months is obviously managing grief and insecurities. It’s a very big challenge to set oneself back onto the rails and keep moving ahead. In the process of monitoring the mental health of children the mother in me forgot to address my own issues. I highly recommend every single parent who’s trying to face this challenge with a rage of love and promises, it’s extremely important to also care about all the mental and physical limitations that you encounter and not feel guilty about it as I once did. There was a time when I felt gripped with blameworthiness whenever I was tired at the end of a long day.
Now after over two long decades, yes I can reveal the rather ludicrous things I once did. I strongly believed that good food was only for my children. All my earnings was only for their rearing. I should never ever even dream of any personal priority. I am not too sure if the boys ever understood all my efforts and intentions. But looking back I feel one should never forget to love oneself.
The mountain of promises and commitments can be realised not just because you are working hard. It’s actually because your children also follow you. Such gifted and parentally challenged children have that igniting force to run towards their dreams.
Emotions like loneliness, love and simple desires of living got annihilated from my heart. I sometimes ask, would it have been possible to balance myself with all what was happening. Even today I am not sure.
It’s indeed a herculean task to live a normal life and also move on with grief and losses.
But certain facts are obviously more lucidly comprehensible now.
- If you are working hard finances fall in place
- If physical and mental health are taken care of, you can run the race
- Children learn values from what you do. Not from what you teach.
- leave certain decisions to this universe to which you are giving your best.
- Trust your children with their decisions.
- Never believe that they will forever depend on you.
- The sole purpose of parenting is to make children independent as early as possible.
- At the end of it all never believe that I will be a baggage for them to carry.
- Trust in destiny and keep floating as long as possible.
- Children obviously know your insecurities and they will hold when needed.
- Today looking retrograde and commenting is very easy compared to what it was when the days were charged with helplessness, fear, hopes and hard work.I came across so many people commenting with weird advice. But I am thankful that the courage in me kept me going valiantly. Simple skills like meeting a teacher in school, helping children with their daily issues, being an earning parent and a caring mother. I swear is something not every soul would appreciate.
- All said and done. I understand no one nurtures kids to be applauded. We enjoy the beautiful journey through all the bumps. Every day is divine. All we need to be thankful that we got a chance to do it. Now my only hope is as long as possible, let me deliver my dues to this universe so I can reach a shore of peace.