Author: Madhumita Das

THE INDIAN ATTITUDE

I love my India. I am holding on to invitations of immigration because I want to live here. But some experiences are honestly reverse jolting. Last week I was flying out from New York to Delhi in a bubble flight of United Airlines. The passengers were over 50 % Indians. Before boarding there was a lot of covid related formalities at the New York airport. Every person there was polite and nice. Nobody was in a hurry and every queue was a sequence of highly civilized quiet people. While on the journey also everyone was no different from the Americans or Europeans who flew as passengers.
On landing in Delhi, God knows what kind of socio behavioral changes grip these civilized nice people.
Some encounters are not imperceptible even if you love your motherland. The first distaste was at the immigration desk. I was suddenly at the head of a queue at a counter which was initially closed. There I took about 30 seconds to open my passport and hand it over to the officer. Oh No! he blurted “Why so slow, Jaldi ki jeya “. I swallowed it and moved on.
Next came a queue where they check the airsuvidha documents or basically ones negative covid report. Here a well-dressed polite gentleman of New York pushed a few others including me to hurl his way ahead. The rest I know not. But in a few minutes, there was a heated exchange of words between him and another gentleman.
When my turn came for the covid report check I was lost within everything around.
Suddenly an American lady came in and politely uttered “Men if you have a fight carry on but wear your masks and give us the way.”
I stood speechless, took me a while to soak in …. Some people wear a costume of chivalry in foreign lands which they throw off with privilege when they touch their home soil.
Can we react better?
Perhaps our population asset has always proved to be a double-edged sword. For every Indian making anything happen has for many just meant crashing a gate. From admission into a preparatory school to buying groceries or vising any office to reach it always means either push by force or pull with contacts. This will perhaps have to be addressed with care first. Our children and their off springs will need to see that most things happen as we move along. Insecurity gal ores amongst most of us. But we are also known for our hospitality and care. A little extension of this attitude topped with faith and confidence should definitely make us all what we should be. Pleasant and peaceful human interactions are always nice. Once we perceive this it will automatically reflect in our behavior.
Life cannot be pushed hurriedly. Everything has a pace of momentum. Going with the flow is happy and relaxed living. Peace cannot be achieved without patience, a perception we need to nurture.
With the teeming ever busy crowd its also difficult to not be one of them. But sure, if some people start this attitude of holding on to rules, I am sure some others will follow. Sir its not about your outfit or fancy gadgets that speak your personality. The true revelation of a person is in their interactions. These interactions in turn are again in true colors in situations where we need to hold on.
Another aspect of our attitude is that we often fail to appreciate that all public property also belongs to each one of us. Why are our roads and sidewalks littered? The person who maintains etiquette in a shopping mall doesn’t hesitate to throw trash on the sidewalk. Its sad to sometimes notice people walk out from expensive cars and not teach their kids the rule of throwing wrappers etc in a trash can. Now if a child has never learnt that a road is not to be used to dispose things and the sidewalks are not open washrooms. Alas! The next generation will also go dismally. I understand that we all want to be polished in our looks but without our behavioral modifications no way can our rowdy careless attitude give us a respectable place in this world.


By
Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

Friendship is something that hibernates through thick and thin. Life has proved that the vibes of thick friends are survival strings during teens and early adulthood. But as Life bogs us down with responsibilities of work, parenting, career suddenly friendship takes a back seat. But blessed are the ones who can move on with life and see the ray of second sunshine. This second vibe of bonding with friends and family surfaces for the lucky ones. If life has left you without disease, family hardships and uncertainties one can enjoy life once again. It’s a huge luck and privilege to get to enjoy with old friends and relive the past.

The ones who get this privilege can never ever appreciate what others who’ve fallen off this journey have missed.

Old friends can help you to let out all your bottled emotions and pain that keeps us rolling in life. When we were children and young adults we share certain vibes which definitely changes with maturity. We perhaps become more grounded with the realities we’ve faced. Life moulds us with the sequence of events that happens. Success gives pleasure and failures usher pain. But for the ones who know to blend the ups and downs of life they start being humble, simple and appreciative with everything that they’ve faced.

When old friends gel once again and reconnect with the child that they were to the adults that they are. They over pouring of emotions that happen can heal lot of unseen pain.

This is a huge pleasure and a blessing that every person needs to appreciate and be thankful for.

Life gives us many treasures. Old friends are really one such priceless asset.

Over years men have analysed human personality. It’s established beyond doubt that type A personality persona are high strung, not peaceful and worriers.There worries often has no foundation. These people worry when the sun shines for the heat and dust, they also worry when it rains for the coolness and mist.

But there is yet another kind of people who we’ve seen are always messed up. This mess is not because they have not streamlined lives. They are usually the ones who have wonderful support systems and most sequences of life’s variables in normal formats. Supporting family, decent work, proper health and financial security. This subset of people appear to be blind to blessings. They are always over worked and in a hurry. This hurry is not to cater to ambitious mindsets. It’s simply to meet daily needs.

The hurry that some people mould into their personalities actually impact both their physical and mental health.

You must have noticed that successful people are usually relaxed, organised and always at peace with themselves.

If this single element of being patient and content with day to day life can be nurtured that impact on happy living is unsurmountable

Life never ceases to teach new skills. This is a real sequence in the course of a day that left an imprint of a wonderful life skill. It’s age perhaps that moulds in one’s maturity and interpretation of good and bad happenings.

A normal day at work for everyone it was, for me however it was a day after a minor surgical procedure I had gone through the previous evening. As a single female in a busy city life there’s hardly a soul who can spare a moment to reflect what it’s to manage such a situation by oneself. But it was done and dusted with help from a dear student of mine.

It was pretty obvious that next day I was in some post operative pain. But I decided to brave through the day like all other coworkers. Not trying to put up an excuse for leave I was happy to complete my official commitments. Later as I sat down I conveyed to one of my supposedly close friend at workplace about how I managed the day. The reply came life a bullet from the barrel “This is no credit. Don’t expect me to do the same”. I realised that if you are a boss you better not talk. Some people have no respect for hierarchy, friendship or good will nor empathy for a friend.

These are friendship lessons.

The world often rolls on certain weird forms of trust. Many people work, coordinate and survive on conditional trust. They believe that I can trust a person who’s my subordinate only because that’s the area of mutual interest.

As a common rule in today’s world it’s sometimes difficult to convenience people that some humans work for humanity. If someone is working hard and making some people in some form of pain find relief, the question that most mortals start to ponder on is what’s the buried engrossment. The invisible perception of contentment that a soul soaks in can only be appreciated by likeminded ones.

It’s true that we need to work for our daily bread. However in life, when you’ve lived and earned your bread some people would like to move a step further and start sharing. Yet another class may want to step a little ahead and start giving. Sharing is actually from what you’ve already got. Giving would mean that you recreate your skills or abilities to comfort someone in need.

Unless you for once bask in the pleasure of healing with no personal interest of financial or prestigious prominence, you can never interpret nor sense that bliss of healing with rapture and ecstasy.

It’s time for us to start believing that just as there are nefarious activities which cause pain to the society , their are also nonpareil souls who gather and send vibes of healing, joy and hope.

If everyone in this world would have been selfish and pain inflicting where would the positive undercurrent of happiness come from to create that aura of delight and contentment that we balance our lives with.

lets all start approving the fact that ” beautiful, pure, happy souls exist even today and they try to spread felicity with eloquence”

The crux of social haemostasis is mutual response in a conversation. We usually need to remind ourselves from time to time that in every interaction my opinion is not the final word. There are often occasions when people share thoughts in a crowd only in anticipation of a positive response. It’s our liability to decipher that the discussion is for dissemination of facts or a colloquy for views, impressions or judgement.

It’s not that every person can always stay chilled with discontentment inside.However as we evolve in life we get to learn that in most circumstances the ability to soak differences in opinion can be mastered by just silence with or without a smile.

Life definitely mellows us down with time and experience. The final outcome to self management of dialogue is creating a savoir faire person.

The ability to keep smiling with a storm of discontentment or anger inside can only be mastered by a seasoned person.

There may be occasions when one feels that all my opportunities will slip out if I do not blurt with aggression. Yes we cannot allow ourselves to be exploited by hustlers and charlatans. But the right time place and decorum to speak out needs also to be learnt.

If we believe in ourselves and stay on track our dues can generally not be robbed. There is also an unseen energy in this universe which controls the uncontrollable and that if you wish to believe is the law of karma.

At the same time it’s of course moronic to not go and avail our rights, but to maintain human etiquette and decency in this process is each of our responsibly.

The greatest tools is situations of squabble is silence with or without a smile.

Most people are very conscious about their image and identity being polished, prim and upright in public eyes. Some would move mountains and cross mortal limits to just keep glowing in the society. The resources often used to keep this image are usually outfits, accessories and a pompous aura. The position of excellence one holds also impacts this image. However if one dwells into the issue closer you would agree that their are some subtle observations that are more pertinent in the personality of a being than just all this.

If in a crowd you find a person very polite, more so when an unknown person maintains courtesy, dosen’t that impress more. No enlightened person would find it striking if you only materially accessorise life. `

When in a society whether with people known through official interactions or social acquaintance it is always important to maintain proper protocol of interplay. It’s actually irresponsible for any person to believe that the other person is only responsible for all healthy communication. If and only if I maintain etiquette, propriety and politeness of my demeanour and deportment can I expect others to reciprocate in the same vibe.

The section of people who survive on expectations of other people to keep things rolling are the ones who actually shoulder the weight of misunderstandings and interpersonal distress.

But all this apart. If each one of us start being conscious about our civic responsibilities and social commitment this world will become a better place for all of us.

Imagine a society where every person is polite. Each is conscious about their dues in terms of official and social responsibility there will be no expectations unresolved.

Simple ways of self commitment actually makes the society as a whole polished, content and socially complete.

This greatest reality of life is we are all headed on an unseen journey. We are born to finally one day mingle with the cosmos and be a part of the infinite .The transit journey from seeing the light of the 1st day to the final destination is the scenerio of life.

Yes we all realise that every day actually heralds a possibility of change in everything we possess. Nothing is permanent. Be it our health, relations, position, belongings, assets everything is always vulnerable to the greatest constant in this universe and that’s the law of change.

The being who can soak into this reality and live every day with this consciousness can attain peace in all pursuits.

Today I am in this position which yesterday was someone else’s and tomorrow again some one new will slip into it. That’s the ground reality of life. The illusion that we often get gripped in is the belief of ownership of situations and circumstances.

This feeling of owning, accumulating, securing and hoarding is the cause of all our stress and uncertainties. The fear of losing what we have today often grips the happiness of what we hold. The moment we realise that, the present situation is the blessing I have and the best I can do is live it well.

To roll out pain or sorrow to comrades is an identity of the unfortunate witless. A person who’s indebted for all his chattel can find peace every where.

The sapient realises that vanity, pride and arrogance are baggages that mean heavier to the carrier than anyone else. In the pursuit of a happy life the earlier we nurture humility, empathy and satiety our pleasure of living starts to galore.

The fear of the unseen and the insecurities around what we have is a huge equation of anxiety. Yes, easier said than done, we have to keep reminding ourselves that ” Change is the only constant”.

Everything we hold on to is liable to transit as life itself is always in the process of transition.

It’s best that the concept of gender bias should be allowed to fade away. If each of us reflect within ourselves it’s easy to perceive that there are very few absolute gender dedicated pieces of accomplishments. Woman should not take pride in jobs they imagine are not meant for them. So also chores at home or in office are all equally neuter.

It’s time to realise that except for our biological differences which makes us mothers and men fathers there’s no reason to believe that a woman is in anyway weaker and as such needs a be highlighted or appreciated only because they are competent. Till the day we hang on to such perceptions women can suffer greatly.

I would agree that females often look at things from a different angle. Awareness about aesthetics or emotional sensitivity are commonly more female centric, but it’s important to note that the best creators of fashion and grooming are excelled by men. It’s time for us to seep into the concept that we are in spirit and reality no different from anyone.

Most parents these days teach all life survival skills to every child they nurture. Every child gets to groom with the outlook of their parents up until they develop independent thinking.

It’s a weird concept that there are a section of supposedly enlightened people who blame crimes against women on entirely the male gender’s mindset. The fact is black sheep are in every herd. Whether it’s a man or a woman, it’s time to reflect that most crimes occur out of insanity / imbalance in belief or perceptions. Woman need to be vigilant and men should be morally sound as much as every women. Inspite of that crimes will continue to happen but to wrap up with a belief that all men are the same is actually unfair.

The important message that we should soak into is, women run the same race of life and living today. They have limitations and also skills in various facets but men also have their constraints. To blow the whistle too much in favour of females alone would actually mean we need more focus which is not always assiduous.

So lets live deligently

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

Yes it’s exactly two decades back on this day did destiny set me single . It felt like as if the heavens came crumbling down and I was drowned in an ocean of uncertainties.

Till that day I was a pampered ever appreciated , hand held wife of a gentleman beyond measure. I chose my priorities as being a mom first and then a professional. What I earned and how I spent was my fancy. My two sons were my greatest assets and life hovered around giving them a fruitful and upright life. Living was something I never thought of. It was so much taken for granted that finances, utilities and basics of life would always be flowing in for with blissful certainty.

That jolt on the 3rd of September 2004 suddenly made me realise that nothing in this world is as per plans. It’s absolutely true that “destiny is what happens while you are busy planning other things”

Stroke of a thunder the ground slipped off below my feet. I was groping in the dark with glittering dreams all around my children. I asked myself shall I be able to hold my boys to the shores of their dreams? Never for a moment did I care if I was hungry, tired or insecure. All what I did was to pursue a life to realise that single dream.

Now two decades since then, I see two good humans perusing lives they deserve. I am thankful to the unseen for everything I got on my platter. However, sometimes I ask myself, Is this the best I deserve?

As age advances, other insecurities surface. Life has taught me to be happy and complete in myself. Some souls are born to be towers of courage in the forest of life till a storm bigger than ever wipes them out.

Up until life takes a turn beyond control, I can only hope, pray and confess that never did I knowingly harm any soul nor felt negative vibes for any growing one.

Sailing in the unknown sea has been entrusted on us, so be it till life parts.