Author: Madhumita Das

The sequence of childhood, student life, being independent and making a nest is the commonest route of a normal being. The flow is often not harmonious and is neither the same for everyone.
However the years of living through almost 6 decades of life has taught me that we evolve with this flow to be the person we become.
Early soul is much determined by nurturing. parental care and environmental exposure that creates an immutable imprint in the evolving canvas of life.
We are aware that overprotected children are often misfits in the real race of living. Similarly those kids who graze in life unadvised and often unsupervised are moulded either by comrades or the machine. The machine here is obviously the smart phone or computer.
With technology frequently overtaking humans as source of inputs it’s yet to unfold if we are building a frankenstine who will overpower us.
But the bottom line to childhood evolution I believe determines how robust a person one moulds up to be. We need to see every child is resilient, honest, perseverant and obviously smart to handle the common hurdles of life.
Having been equipped with these minimum armours each young adult stepping out of home takes that spring board dive into the turbulence of life. There begins the next phase of evolution.
Early in this phase our living is pretty much an impact of home and parenting. But as the external world starts to cast its effects the challenge of flowing or brooding is the next step of evolution. Some people achieve but are always counting all the hurdles they face. Yet another section of achievers are always ready to blend in and not complain. The smartest ones pursue their passions to unparalleled levels of achievements.
The impact of this level of evolution is how pleasant a person becomes. That cool steady enviable achiever has obviously created that aura with high levels of resilience.
The process of this evolution obviously continues. In late midlife, some get busy consolidating on what they have and yet others pursue for improvement. This balance is often interrupted by loss and disasters as well as happiness and peace.
The way one reacts to untoward happenings is crucial. It equips us to choose to flow or to go slow in the following days.
No person in this world has ever had only an upward curve in life.The dips and breaks in the curve of life usually makes us brave and strong if we allow it to be.
But finally I have noticed many people reach a stage of serene calmness. Once we learn to gauge our expectations we can control our reaction to every event in life.
Happy is the person who knows his position in every other acquaintances life.
Immediate family is of course the highest priority. But once the children grow to a stage when they have built their own nests, it’s important to leave that space. Emotional bonding continues to grow with time. But the art of balancing emotions and physical expectations is crucial.
However an additional baggage that feels heavy at this stage is insecurity of the limitations of age and health.
It’s perhaps something which we cannot off load till death. But if we can hold hands with like minded friends perhaps the flow gets going.
Life will move on till destined. Whether we choose to lament or rejoice is how we have evolved with the landmark events of our lives.
Some things are also easier said than done.
But trying to be resilient and peaceful is a journey we can embark on with an effort to sail happily.

We all wake up to a 24 hours day. Certain activities are common to all. We run through morning chores as we desire. Then we generally plunge into a day of designed desired and sorted course of occupations. The sequence of the day is undoubtedly as per our personal priorities of choice. At the end of it all when people say I couldn’t manage this because of time. The blatant answer is “its not time but sequencing of priority of that activity being placed far down”.
There is no factor as time for a task that one would like to complete. A parent for a child, a child for their parent, a good friend, a close family, a bread earning job these activities are always done and dusted on time.
Time! is the one and only variable that’s completely in the users choice to plan how it’s consumed.
This use of time is again a great pre-determinant of the overall life style of any person. Procrastination which we all have done for certain activities in life have made us realise that we could never achieve certain things which we did not allow in our band width.
Planning and wilful implementation of choice is the single factor that allows completion of tasks.
Yes, certain unmodifiable variables in life are illness, financial limitations and other disabilities.
But all said and done, it’s on the user to plan how we desire to use time.
Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

Some questions forever remained unanswered for me:

Why do rich people struggle to get richer and not enjoy the simple pleasures of life.

Why do the poor sometimes refuse to work better for a decent living.

Why some parents struggle to fulfil their dreams playing with the lives and likes of their children.

Why humans create rules which are painful to abide.

Why empathy is not common.

Why there’s jealousy, hatred and deceit.

Why some minds cannot care beyond self.

Why it’s not common to appreciate people when they are alive.

Why do we struggle to keep a dying man alive at the cost of disrespecting the soul.

Why many realities never seep into the most intelligent minds when they run after fantasy.

Life becomes simpler with acceptance and faith.

Living is an art and peace is a goal.

Dr M P Das

The only constant in life I’ve realised is change. Nothing in reality is permenant except the moment we are living in. Every time we make a decision or take a step we believe it’s forever. In reality the play of luck, chance and destiny actually decides what’s going to carry on and what unknowingly topples off from our basket.

long 35 years back on this day I had steeped into wedlock with the prince of my dream and firmly believed that I’ve stepped into my ship for life. Sweet 16 years rolled on with pleasure and pain and the warmth of love and care. We were blessed with two lovely boys. But one fine day most unknowingly a huge storm struck us. As the kids were learning to survive and so was me their mother, destiny snatched the man of my life and the father of the boys away. We cried, we jittered, we sank but we rose. Life has never been the same for me again, but we learnt to sail.

Today as I look back, I perceive that every change in life comes with a reason. Perhaps the cushioned and secured life which we had would not have made us the warriors that me and my boys evolved to be. Harsh but true. I would never rise up to shoulder all pain of commitments as a parent alone if my efficient spouse would share everything. I also wonder if our boys would work this hard and sincerely if struggles did not emerge.

Our lives are what destiny had decided. But we are properly placed where we deserve to be.

“The greatest reality is we have learnt to accept the change and sail along with the limitations”

THE ESSENCE OF LIFE IS ACCEPT AND BE HAPPY

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

Have you ever walked on busy public corridors and hospital ramps. Have you noticed the irresponsible pedestrian lift an arm and start walking across a busy crossroad the moment your traffic signal turns green. These are just a few examples of day to day evolution of the guwahati pedestrians.

It’s an unwritten rule that the way we drive on the left side of the road so should we walk on our left to ease movements. We should always walk on the foot path / side walks on all busy roads.Crossing a road is obviously at designated points. Our city has foot bridges and zebra crossings. But some people still enjoy blocking the traffic by walking at their sweet pace enjoying phone conversations even at points like hospital entrances.

The other day I was walking up the hospital ramp. Suddenly I noticed a young boy busy on his mobile phone walk to me as if to crash me down. I tried to draw his attention and said, ” hi look ahead as you walk”. The reply was arrogant and blurty ” any problem?” He brushed past me, I turned around while obviously on duty and looked at him. This young man with ear phones and sandles blissfully walked away as if it’s all my fault.

It’s perhaps time to teach our children in school that even walking in public places is as per rules.

People seem to be at ease of pace on busy roads while at places where we are expected to queue up like shops and banks everyone is in a hurry. If somehow you get busy taking out your wallet or spectacle while in a queue you will surely be pushed aside by the person behind. But I just fail to understand why.

True that we are a country where population is our huge asset. But perhaps if we can focus on issues of self discipline may be a lot of interpersonal interactions will get better.

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

Every woman has the strength of the divine godess within her.
But this mother in slumber awakens under difficult situation.
A grief.
A biological child in need.
A family in distress.
A spouse sinking.
A parent waiting.
A child’s dream unfulfilled.
An abused soul.
Most painfully when her self respect is mishandled.
Hail Mother save us all.
MPD

It was long 30 years back on the 14th of September 1992 I had joined Assam Medical College, Dibrugarh as a Registrar of Medicine.

The last 3 decades of my life has seen evolution of the health care system in Assam. It’s wonderful to relish the change over the years. We were at that time functioning with lot of limitations in all fronts which we now realise on reflection. But whatever, our work culture and at heart dedication towards service has over these years grown bonded with the power of knowledge and access to resources in all fronts.

We had joined service with the idea that we will be serving in any of the three Medical Colleges of Assam ( AMC in Dibrugarh, GMC in Gauhati or SMC in Silchar). It was unprecedented that in three decades we now already have 9 Medical Colleges in the state and with perhaps a dozen more in the pipeline.

The teaching pattern and resources have also changed fundamentally. In those days our textbooks were everything we used and notes written in diaries updated every year were our treasure. Now we have easy access to journals and all kinds of real time videos which have made our audiovisual classes enriched.

The kind of student teacher relationship has also evolved ever since. We held our teachers on a respected pedestal and our attitude was to greet them when we crossed anywhere. But these days very few students actually value this. They crash and crush their way through at times not ever recognising any faculty members. God bless them.

A very important highlight is the remuneration. At that time we earned a very few thousand rupees per month and now in exactly 30 years I just realised my salary has multiplied exactly a 100 times. This has left me pondering. Is it a matter of celebration or remorse that inflation is unabated. But whatever, that financial constraint we encountered is no more a concern for the new generation of doctors.

All said and done, with retirement age being upscaled to meet the need for medical teachers, looks like if health permits I have a dozen more years waiting.

On this day my thought are cluttered. But I can only pray that with the setting sun of life we should blend work and relaxation. We live once to finish our commitments and live with grace for ourselves.

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

These days woman empowerment is on the top of every agenda. I definitely do not wish to be skeptical about it in any way. But some experiences makes one introspect the whole concept of it. How far is all this genuinely true. Hailing from a family with no brothers I was never taught to believe that these’s a gender difference in anything.

Over a year back my father was admitted into the government hospital where I work.He was treated with all care and recovered. I was definitely thankful and expected nothing more. On the day of his discharge I got a small bill from the office. I was happy to pay it instantly. When I got to the payment desk I was astonished to know the laid down rules. With no queries from my end I was told “Ma’am sorry that you have to pay this bill”. I replied why sorry?. To my surprise I was informed that because I am a daughter I cannot claim that my nonagenarian father is my dependent. But had I been a son, it would be taken for granted that he’s my dependent and the bill would be waived. Gosh!! I thought great, this is the empowered Indian woman.

My father has no sons, so is he supposed to be ever independent? The amount due was meagre. But the message carried was traumatic.

What are we empowering our women folk for. Only to make them work at par with men.

I felt bilittled and disgusted. If you have rules fine follow it with no gender bias. Only then will every Indian woman feel empowered.

Sitting on the edge of the fifth decade with years of living and working I am sure we can all reflect. For me also I have nothing unusual to highlight. But I sometimes feel am I hallucinating. Going back to an empty nest ( without my partner) cooking, cleaning and resting is so normal for me. I am pretty much used to my private space. But sometimes I understand that not many people like it this way. I go for movies, holidays, parties and social events all alone and am comfortable. The other day a random friend mentioned that if you enjoy going to a movie theatre alone you have achieved solitude. I asked myself, how can this be an achievement? Perhaps because I love myself I don’t want to neglect my yearnings. It’s also because I cannot gel with everyone for too long.
With all this and my independent living I sometimes wonder. Is it true that
*I had a spouse.
*I mothered two sons
*They are my own sons but grown up.
* I once cooked for a family.
* We all have splendid memories together.
I still live in the same house, sleep on the same bed and eat on the same table. The walls echo memories and every little thing has a piece of happiness in it.
All this happened to me in this lifetime?. I trust I am not hallucinating.
How have I chosen to be happy this way?.
Today is the 3rd of September 2022. Long 18 years since my husband left us.
Our boys ( our jewels) Raja and Jeet managed to get educated in America after disaster struck but I don’t have any loan to repay.
They both are now fortunately settled in America much better than many other kids of their background.
How did all this happen?
Today both my boys and my daughter in law called up to check if I am doing fine. Honestly I am fine.
I who was such a pampered and loved daughter and a wife could perhaps excel as a mother.
This destiny of single motherhood is defiantly a challange. All I did to my knowledge was focus, buck up and run.
The destination was not visible but imagination was framed.
I wanted the kids to be independent, good human beings. There they are.
I now pray that we can carry on holding hands like this. Health is a great treasure to be ever thankful and praying for. I pinched myself and realised that all this is reality.
Life has moved on for close to two decades now with memories that were painful to ones being imprinted.
My conjugal life was much shorter but this virtually contend life has been longer.

Beautiful September usually fuses me and my sons with a plethora of thoughts and memories. It was on 3rd of September 2004, long 18 years back my husband had left me and my two little boys to face this world alone.
family life is so much taken for granted in early years of living that it’s not easy to perceive what this loss means.But fortunately for us life moved on. We struggled, we fought odds and rose above our insecurities and learnt to survive.
The heavens showered us with perseverance and health. We were patient to wait for the sunshine. The belief that there will be light one-day kept us sailing.
We never compared ourselves with any one else. The trust that hard work holds fortune and happiness was our hope. Today we are far better than what we were. It’s at times a little hard to soak in that we live across the globe but technology binds us tight. I sometimes wonder would I have shared my day to day thoughts and happening any more with my children than what we do today. Above all this if travel formalities gets easier there is no remorse.
We all have accepted every bit of our lives happily.
One soul touching expression by my younger son filled up by heart with content today. It was our regular morning conversation and my Jeet said ” Ma how are you?” I replied it’s September again. He responded, “I know Ma but don’t lament.”
“Look at me and Dada, aren’t we fortunate”.
I once again understood that yes, every life is a story but facing it is another reality. We held hands and kept floating and today we stand on a safer land and cherish the past. We are grateful for everything that happened and pray we can carry on as long as destined.