Category: Personal Musings / Realities of life

What makes someone happy at a point in life may be his cause of disgust at another time. In our schooldays we wait for a call from a special friend with heart throbs and butterflies in our tummy. But same friend when becomes a spouse may be boring. To keep such emotions alive its the responsibility of each person involved alike.

I loved rock music and jazz, relished ice creams and burgers . But today my choice is melodious soft beats and enjoy a carbs free low oil proteincious meal.

In the past my regular moral duty was academics and today it is exercise. Just as completion of study hours makes a student feel lighter and happier to pursue hobbies.These days its about exercise.Unless you are a workout freak, it takes an effort to get going everyday and feel happy about it.

But certain perceptions are immortal. The ushering of spring and the song of the cuckoo. The gurgling of the brook and the shower of first rain of the season.We cannot ignore the colours of fall or the soft breeze at dusk.These are stores of happiness unlimited.

For a mother the happiest moment is the touch of the new born. The moment of utmost satiety is first feeding your baby.

Life actually goes on with changing perceptions for release of our happy hormones.

But the band master of this whole orchestra of flowing happiness is in the most insignificant opportunities of life. We should feel happy that we got a chance to see a new day or the touch of a pleasant breeze. A nice meal is a feel good factor. Watching our children grow or our parents age is a great opportunity. Wrapping up a day with gratitude is peaceful.

It’s ultimately what every human is running after ” Happiness and peace”. But we often fail to perceive the blessings of everyday life. People spend time and resources to buy happiness.But this feeling is extremely personal. Peace and happiness are actually following us. But instead of looking around we are often running forever to catch that happy cloud in the horizon which can never be touched.

Happiness is so capricious. If we wish to, we can be happy with everything around. If we have a monumental perception of happiness and peace our journey towards it is never done.

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

These days with the evolving digital era and now lately with the restrictions laid by the pandemic I have realised the perils and challenges of parenting have also been mounting. But besides the changing scenario with times parenting is definitely a job that every person wishes to carry out at some point of their lives. The added wonder to this is since no two children are the same their is no common formula to it. I firmly believe that once we are done with parenting a toddler to teens we realise all your mistakes.

My goal of parenting was to bring up two little kids to be independent good human beings. I had to handle this huge responsibility single handedly at a relatively early stage in life. More so the wonder was two little bubbly boys one was 6 and other 13 years of age. But they were full of energy to face the world. I was obviously young and inexperienced but struggling to hold on.

The first point I tried to soak into them was our priorities are health and education.I will try to give them a balanced diet as best as I can and not compromise with schooling. That was the goal set and all other fancy things of life like exotic clothes, shoes, or expensive holidays were for the time being trimmed out of our platter of priorities.I honestly believe children understand.Hardships make tuffer persons at the end of the day. Of course quality time and examplary dedicated lifestyle of parents is crucial.

My observation is pampered kids are usually insecure. They perhaps always believe that someone will carry their bags, wash, cook and clean for them. But if these kids are also brilliant and bright they later perhaps curse their upbringing for the pain of getting along with life. The mouldable ones often adjust and learn the basic skills of living. But the mediocre kids land up with big goals but fuzzy roads. Many develop psychosocial problems and some land up being frustrated. Yet others who have their parental umbrella protecting them till the 3rd or 4th decades of life are usually inutile bootless people.Every individual is made to learn confidence and be happy only when they prove themselves to be worth if possible more than their caregivers.

Excuse me if I am wrong, but parenting and love is not synonymous.Showering wealth and appreciating a child’s attitude to evade social norms are never useful.Some parents are so happy in admitting that my child is different and will not accept what everyone else does.I believe this is sheer ignorance in parenting. The usual expectation is our children will live longer than us. After we are gone, nobody in this world not even their spouses will bear with their supercilious vanity.So being grounded, independent and empathetic are as important as being honest and humble to make a complete person.Parenting should probably be aimed to make a complete human being to run the race of life.

We middle class common people always dream that our children build up a professional career that caters to their aspirations about useful living.In that process my personal opinion is spot their passion.If passion can be nurtured to become a profession more can be achieved with less pain perceived out of the struggle.

Gone are the days of only medical and engineering being counted successful career options . We now live in times when a musician, swimmer, a painter, a chef or a dresser are equally respected and needed in the society.

For those who do not have a heritage of wealth and fortune to leave behind. It is better to nurture your child’s healthy passion to become a successful career option.

Again the attitude of the parents also goes a long way in moulding a child’s personality.The concept of care is not synonymous with helicopter parenting.Some people believe that even giving up their jobs and moving away with the kids for their comfort and security is helpful.While others blissfully allow then to fly out of the nest by the time they are 18.Now what is right and what is wrong is difficult to delineate statistically.However at the end of it all if a kid grows up to be an honest, empathetic, diligent, good balanced human being which in turn is a product of nature( genes) and nurture( parenting) things fall into place.No form of parenting can be called perfect. I myself have committed numerous unpardonable mistakes. Nor do I believe that I can deal with this subject with confidence.But all said and done, I must admit that I am a single mother of two software professions who luckily were blessed to be independent good human beings in their early 20’s.

One very major aspect of parenting I believe is trust.If we trust a child we get that back from them .The other important practice is I believe to encourage them in all their endeavours. Encouragement builds confidence

To wrap up , Luck and destiny also directs the sailing of the boat of life .

BY

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

With the pandemic of Covid 19 raging attacks in waves on mankind many realisations surface. As a medical professional we have closely seen the cycle of birth and death over the last three decades of life.But the situation that has emerged from this biological warfare is different. We have soaked into the fact that death is just one step away from life.

A colleague who worked with us yesterday is covid positive today and tomorrow he walks into heaven.The shudder, shock, despair and anguish at that moment is just not possible to sink into. Each soul honestly thinks that “God I hope I am not the next”

Despite all this, if and when one tests positive, the grip of uncertainties is unsurmountable.But for those who sail out to good health the gratitude also is unmeasurable.

With all this happening around, now at this stage in life some realisations have got engraved in my attitude towards life.

I realise that we travel in life with a lot of extra baggage which actually makes life painful.We should mould ourselves to throw away *Pride. *Expectations *Desire *Ego *Pain of hanging on to grief *Fear *Anguish *Knee jerk or spurt of the moment reactions *Jealousy *Comparison of our blessings with others *Unrealistic goals *Tendency to hold on material memories of life with pain. *Worries about tomorrow.

Instead let’s learn living in the moment with humility, grace and contentment.

Just as decluttering our closet makes room for new things and distributing unused material often brings a smile to many. So also it is with life. The moment we shrug off desire, ego and expectations we feel contented with whatever we have. We just never feel the urge to compare our lives with anyone.

When we stop grieving about our losses, we tide over fear and can control anguish.Our personality then becomes pleasant. Such people radiate peace and tranquility. This stage is difficult to achieve because grief, fear and anguish are our survival instincts. However our ability to overcome all this comes from faith.If we can start to believe that everything happens for a reason. That reason is usually not perceivable now but it makes life brighter in future.This faith helps to cultivate patience to wait and watch. Inturn we become peaceful.

A peaceful person is never jealous or unhappy over anything he does not pocess. Such people are actually happy in the real sense of the word.This happiness is not transient or dependent on the changing scenario of life.

If one can rise above fear and anguish we can also perhaps tame anxiety.The constant fear of tomorrow is a huge burden that most of us carry. That’s also perhaps a survival instinct that makes us work productively and positively today. But if this concern for tomorrow rises morbidly we get gripped in fear and anguish.

The reality of life is in today, more so in this moment. Let us learn to be thankful for this moment that we are alive and healthy with whatever limitations if any but not crippled.The moment we throw away our morbid concern about tomorrow, today feels very comfortable.Trust in doing good and right at the moment. That’s all we can do for tomorrow’s security.

Another very important virtue for good living is never to react at the height of anger, grief, or even happiness. Those are the moments in life when even a genius tends to be biased.When we are not in a balanced mental state our reactions can never be stable.Those are the moments that often leave us with regrets.

The other piece of heavy baggage we sometimes unknowingly carry is “Pursuing unrealistic goals”. If something is not within the bandwidth of ones resources of intellectual or financial capabilities, the pain of running after it will make us tired and unhappy sine dine.

The worst form of pain is perhaps trying to compare ourselves with others. As we all know that every person is actually fighting his own battle.Some people fear the storm while others dance in the breeze. If we trust in destiny and believe in resilience for situations beyond our control we can realise how much we can soak.

There is always an unexplored talent in every person which surfaces only in crisis.It’s universal to panic as the first reaction. But time always proves different. Only after the rage of the storm calms down can we realise how well we withstood the wind, water, hail, waves and fear. So just hang on, use your intellect and physical capabilities. We always land up where we ought to be.In realtime our resilence and ability to fight is always more than we gauge.

MAN IS MORTAL.

Life is never all rainbows and spring.In reality seasons are not timed the same in everyone’s life.When your friend is honeymooning you may be lamenting the demise of your spouse.But when the same friend is struggling with the perils of parenting you may be in bliss of solitude. So perhaps the mantra is hang on or keep moving.Have faith, whichever destination you reach is your predestined fate.

If we can cultivate calmness everything just falls to wherever it should.

If we can accept the good and the bad in preassigned slots of our soul we can face the wind or the breeze with the same calm and we land being a contented peaceful soul.

So the bottom line of life is as and when possible without any compulsion throw off extra baggage and travel light.This attitude can make us feel easier to hang on and find peace even in pain and calmness even in the storms. For life goes on as long as it should.

by

DR M P DAS

If health permits trust in only yourself.

Friendship is a boon on some people only.

Family is even greater a blessing.

But happiness in friendship or family is a game of dice.

Work and love yourself.

Cater to your passions.

I have that learnt that nobody else cares.

Do good to others in need, but never burn yourself or your inner peace.

Just to see someone smile.

That much is never worth.

If something makes you happy,

never hesitate to go ahead.

Provided you are not harming anybody else.

But the most difficult thing is,

Fear of being lonely in distress.

Yes if that is to happen.

Believe some light will shine.

Or to the other world you will be taken to rest in time.

NO FEAR JUST LIVE IN PEACE

DESTINY IS PREDETERMINED.

DR M P DAS

In the heart of the immigrant childrens mother

subtle but deep feelings bother .

Yes, the pandemic has come back faster .

The first wave had expectations and hope.

But now the second tsunami feels difficult to cope.

The international borders are sealed.

This mom’s security feels clipped.

The anxiety about illness, finances and all other needs,

These are the things for which all of us crib.

But what about the families across borders?

Yes, hope some souls ponder.

Man usually can never appreciate

what our heart does not penetrate.

All we can offer is a prayer,

Let the war get cooler.

For if the mind is still

The universe is conquered.

By

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

Being a doctor and a self proclaimed grounded person, I always believed in facing life as it comes .

I thought life comes in a platter of sweet, sour and bitter goodies. Our role is to enjoy whatever is served without a wince. But alas!!!today as I was brushing my hair in front of the mirror in my balcony, my attention slipped. I saw the glistening sands of time staring at me .My new wealth, the steaks of grey in my black crown which was perhaps holding all my youth.

I have always been a proponent of believing in the course of nature. I tell people, why colour your hair to camouflage age. We are part of nature’s lets move along with that course.I used to say, hair dye is artificial, topped with ammonia and ingredients toxic to health.

But now suddenly as I see own glistening streaks of silver, my thoughts, promises and faith all slip. I have started to ponder.Yes, I have googled for natural hair colours ( I know the gimmicks ).Still further for ammonia free colours. Yes this is me, I have pinched myself to believe.

This is definitely another lesson I have learnt with time.Never believe too much in your own convictions.Life is actually dynamic and so are our perceptions.What we believe today as perfect appears to be completely illogical when gazed from a different position in time and space.

This also carries the message that being dogmatic or fanatic in any way is immaturity. It is best to keep our bandwidth flexible and loosely comfortable.

Life is actually how you soak into a reality and feel at home with it.

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

One full calendar year health care workers sailed through the Covid storm facing all the crests and troughs with no complaints .No body expressed , but some were pregnant , some had infants at home others had ailing family members and yet others had elderly vulnerable parents .

Almost everyone else had the option to work from home . Like all others, health care workers also faced the shortage of food supplies and financial crunch . But some lucky people made dalgona coffee and baked cookies .

But what did the health worker face a little more ? There’s no question for the extra hours of sweat or toil . That’s for sure to the society we owe . But the concern is the mental agony .The constant fear of being a covid bomb to the family . The advice was to protect the paediatric and geriatric from the risk of covid exposure. But when there was constant risk of hospital ( red zone) shunting family member at home !!!! Has anyone wondered how people addressed that mammoth issue in the house . Some had to switch homes or hire new places . But nobody raised a voice .

The covid curve peaked through the days and seasons .The Almighty with everyones efforts got it flattened and scientists brought vaccines . The covid prevention protocol was never recommended to be put off guard .

But alas !! for just a handful of happy go lucky people . We forgot our restrictions . Just as Sita crossed the Laxman Rekha on being lured by Ravana . Our people got Off board with festivities .

But now , What are we headed for ?

We can see the sharp uprise in the immediate future . The economy will once again dip. People will go back home .Things will shut down .But what will happen to the tired , mentally depressed ,physically sick health care workers ? They were now trying to heal . Some of them needed medication and others not but the time to heal was still unfolding .

The thought of red zone duties once again with all the anxiety and pain.A wandering question , Could all this be avoided if people played safe?

Simple norms of hand hygiene , social distancing and Mask.

Sometimes a stitch in time can surely save a mighty nine .

We are still not inside the deep sea . Lets all try to be sensible and save mankind . Let our children live a normal life . I am sure the effect of this pandemic will be far reaching .

I pray that in a few decades from now hopefully the next generation will not blame the shadows of this biological war just like we still see the new generations continue to suffer from the nuclear bombing in Japan during the last century .

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

T

The Indian population as we all know is diverse in all aspects .Educational background , culture ,financial condition , needs and expectations . We as a class belong to a chunk of educated working citizens . We live with some realistic ,achievable hopes and needs . We work for the government ,and have put in our hearts and souls into it . But again of all the government service holders we are that fraction who neither aspire for financial schemes nor have the power to influence decisions . So where do we stand .

Whenever its time for elections , I run through the same volley of unanswered questions .Why are we paying over 3 months of our salaries as taxes . We do not expect any waiver or fancy perks . We neither want to pay back less than what has been set by rules. We want basic life sustaining amenities . Our expectations include , social security, proper civic amenities like water supply and flood control . A hygienic city would mean control of most mosquito and flies bourne ailments . We would be happy with just a clean , secure , anxiety of water free life as our basic need .

But , alas ; we never catch any attention for our votes are smattering both in number and weightage . The compilation of promises and agendas are designed to satisfy the rural and semi urban Indians who are biggest in numbers and that’s of highest value for an aspirant for power . The next valuable class of voters are the affluent entrepreneurs and industrialists who can liberally shake off wealth for the sake of powerful connections .

So , I ponder . Where is the value of our fundamental right of Democracy . We work honestly . We pay our dues without complaints . We aspire for a reasonable existence , we follow rules . But when it comes to our dues no single aspirant to the corridors of power has our needs on their agenda .

My question shall perhaps remain unanswered for a few more decades .

But I wish to exercise my franchise once again .

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

Sitting on the other side of the 5th decade of life , I wish to pendown a few flashing thoughts .Yes have traversed through childhood and youth to reach the early sunset years of life . But as I look back like all of us perhaps do , I realise life has given me the opportunity to understand and accept a lot of truth which are experiences blissful as well as unpalatable .

I should admit , my childhood was perfect . Grew up in a nuclear family under the care of educated and enlightened parents . They in the 1960’s saw to it that we read , played , drove , swam , recited , debated and even tasted fashion and travel .With no antipathy I had a love marriage in the middle of building up my Medical career . Subsequently my husband proved to be ideal in his respect and concern for my career and limitations . Till that stage in life I should say I was served everything on a golden platter .

But lightening struck when I was in my late 30’s , husband in his 40’s and the boys were 6 and 13 years of age .

I was learning to be financially independent , Husband was at the height of success in his career . The boys were blossoming little hard working geniuses. What better or rather worse stage of life could the bread earner of the family be struck with stage 4 cancer . But that’s what happened and we had just no option .

In over 3 months since diagnosis , when we squeezed in all our resources ,time and energy , the whole situation slipped out of control .The protective patriacal umbrella of the super blessed family was blown away .

I now the sole parent of this family had no choice / respite / pondering but to just plunge in a take a grip of everything .It was like a chariot that was running towards a destination but way ahead of that the charioteer dropped dead and the co driver who was all along still learning the art took full control of things . The chariot flashed past all odds and reached a destination . The passengers are now all over the globe riding their own wheels . Its only now that loneliness has finally set in .

Relfections that sometimes bothers at this stage is ;

As a daughter ,I tried to be whatever best I thought I can .Father passed away a few weeks back . Mother now an octogenarian is also battling loneliness after 58 years of conjugal life . I don’t blame her the least for I am still learning to cope my 17 years of lonliness which is surfacing only now for I have time to look back at the sweet 16 years of togetherness that I had .

As a wife I stood by my husband like a spouse, a doctor, a nurse , a mother … and what ever else possible till death put us apart . But as a mother I am more than confident that I did my level best of course not aware of any unknowing faults in parenting which I am sure I must have committed all along the way .

Today the empty nest with two good human beings having flown off makes me happy and also gripped with solitude .

For if you have earned wealth , imparted knowledge , borne and parented kids , taken care of elderly parents . Now the question I ask …. What is my next responsibility ? . Who do I trust for in my hours of grief or pain . Uncertainities galore . My only objective now is “TO KEEP MY MIND STILL IN ALL THESE SPLASHES OF PAIN , FOR EVERYTHING WILL PERHAPS THAN GO IN VAIN ”

But certainly its not only pain . I do perceive happiness of having done whatever I could . I could wade through the adversities of life with a handful of helpful souls . The universe has blessed my boys to be on their own . I am till date standing like a rock where I have tried to hold on till entrusted by destiny .

DR Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

It was a happening world till the other day when man was perhaps not in anyway concerned
about mother earth , nature , atmosphere and the unseen power of this universe .
Humans started working dreaming realising that mechanical means were the only route to
ultimate bliss .
There was no doubt that an undercurrent of thoughts about the ozone layer depleting , pollution
mounting ,lifestyle related illnesses were increasing but our priorities were just invincible .
The concept of happiness and peace got centered around ones achievements ,whereas
empathy , love , care and universal concern dwindled to almost oblivion .
It was just for things to go through an unprecedented change.
In Spite of many many calls in the form of disease ,death and dying natural beauty and
resources mankind refused to slow down .
We sought peace in expensive holidays and fancy shopping .Financial security became our
marker of happiness and success .
But mother earth was suffering and nature was in pain.
“SYMBIOSIS” the law of nature had to somehow establish to bring back what we were actually
destined to be made for .
Today this little microscopic human enemy (Covid 19) which has taken grip of this earth has
made mankind realise that we need to get back to our roots .
As humans remain confined under lockdown mother earth is healing .
Natural beauty is visible in huge congested cities .
Wild life is out on many otherwise busy roads from lockdown habitats to share a little space on
this earth which belongs to them as well .
I am sure by now we all realise
1) How little we need to be living
2) A bag of fresh vegetables or a tray of groceries is enough to make us feel happy
3) Spending too much time in socialising to feel destressed is not always mandatory , just a
connect even virtual is equally rewarding
4) Peace within can be achieved alone , nobody will hold us down that path .
5) Man is mortal , but as long as we are alive if we can be of some purpose in someones
life that is ultimate “ Nirvana”
The idea of this whole realisation is not to advise man to become a monk but yes definitely if we
could remain grounded and connected with the universe and maintain a scientific symbiosis
mankind will live a physically , morally and emotionally healthy life unless after centuries an
upheaval of workcentric activities topples this mutual coexistence .