Madhumita's Blog

The crux of social haemostasis is mutual response in a conversation. We usually need to remind ourselves from time to time that in every interaction my opinion is not the final word. There are often occasions when people share thoughts in a crowd only in anticipation of a positive response. It’s our liability to decipher that the discussion is for dissemination of facts or a colloquy for views, impressions or judgement.

It’s not that every person can always stay chilled with discontentment inside.However as we evolve in life we get to learn that in most circumstances the ability to soak differences in opinion can be mastered by just silence with or without a smile.

Life definitely mellows us down with time and experience. The final outcome to self management of dialogue is creating a savoir faire person.

The ability to keep smiling with a storm of discontentment or anger inside can only be mastered by a seasoned person.

There may be occasions when one feels that all my opportunities will slip out if I do not blurt with aggression. Yes we cannot allow ourselves to be exploited by hustlers and charlatans. But the right time place and decorum to speak out needs also to be learnt.

If we believe in ourselves and stay on track our dues can generally not be robbed. There is also an unseen energy in this universe which controls the uncontrollable and that if you wish to believe is the law of karma.

At the same time it’s of course moronic to not go and avail our rights, but to maintain human etiquette and decency in this process is each of our responsibly.

The greatest tools is situations of squabble is silence with or without a smile.

Most people are very conscious about their image and identity being polished, prim and upright in public eyes. Some would move mountains and cross mortal limits to just keep glowing in the society. The resources often used to keep this image are usually outfits, accessories and a pompous aura. The position of excellence one holds also impacts this image. However if one dwells into the issue closer you would agree that their are some subtle observations that are more pertinent in the personality of a being than just all this.

If in a crowd you find a person very polite, more so when an unknown person maintains courtesy, dosen’t that impress more. No enlightened person would find it striking if you only materially accessorise life. `

When in a society whether with people known through official interactions or social acquaintance it is always important to maintain proper protocol of interplay. It’s actually irresponsible for any person to believe that the other person is only responsible for all healthy communication. If and only if I maintain etiquette, propriety and politeness of my demeanour and deportment can I expect others to reciprocate in the same vibe.

The section of people who survive on expectations of other people to keep things rolling are the ones who actually shoulder the weight of misunderstandings and interpersonal distress.

But all this apart. If each one of us start being conscious about our civic responsibilities and social commitment this world will become a better place for all of us.

Imagine a society where every person is polite. Each is conscious about their dues in terms of official and social responsibility there will be no expectations unresolved.

Simple ways of self commitment actually makes the society as a whole polished, content and socially complete.

This greatest reality of life is we are all headed on an unseen journey. We are born to finally one day mingle with the cosmos and be a part of the infinite .The transit journey from seeing the light of the 1st day to the final destination is the scenerio of life.

Yes we all realise that every day actually heralds a possibility of change in everything we possess. Nothing is permanent. Be it our health, relations, position, belongings, assets everything is always vulnerable to the greatest constant in this universe and that’s the law of change.

The being who can soak into this reality and live every day with this consciousness can attain peace in all pursuits.

Today I am in this position which yesterday was someone else’s and tomorrow again some one new will slip into it. That’s the ground reality of life. The illusion that we often get gripped in is the belief of ownership of situations and circumstances.

This feeling of owning, accumulating, securing and hoarding is the cause of all our stress and uncertainties. The fear of losing what we have today often grips the happiness of what we hold. The moment we realise that, the present situation is the blessing I have and the best I can do is live it well.

To roll out pain or sorrow to comrades is an identity of the unfortunate witless. A person who’s indebted for all his chattel can find peace every where.

The sapient realises that vanity, pride and arrogance are baggages that mean heavier to the carrier than anyone else. In the pursuit of a happy life the earlier we nurture humility, empathy and satiety our pleasure of living starts to galore.

The fear of the unseen and the insecurities around what we have is a huge equation of anxiety. Yes, easier said than done, we have to keep reminding ourselves that ” Change is the only constant”.

Everything we hold on to is liable to transit as life itself is always in the process of transition.

It’s best that the concept of gender bias should be allowed to fade away. If each of us reflect within ourselves it’s easy to perceive that there are very few absolute gender dedicated pieces of accomplishments. Woman should not take pride in jobs they imagine are not meant for them. So also chores at home or in office are all equally neuter.

It’s time to realise that except for our biological differences which makes us mothers and men fathers there’s no reason to believe that a woman is in anyway weaker and as such needs a be highlighted or appreciated only because they are competent. Till the day we hang on to such perceptions women can suffer greatly.

I would agree that females often look at things from a different angle. Awareness about aesthetics or emotional sensitivity are commonly more female centric, but it’s important to note that the best creators of fashion and grooming are excelled by men. It’s time for us to seep into the concept that we are in spirit and reality no different from anyone.

Most parents these days teach all life survival skills to every child they nurture. Every child gets to groom with the outlook of their parents up until they develop independent thinking.

It’s a weird concept that there are a section of supposedly enlightened people who blame crimes against women on entirely the male gender’s mindset. The fact is black sheep are in every herd. Whether it’s a man or a woman, it’s time to reflect that most crimes occur out of insanity / imbalance in belief or perceptions. Woman need to be vigilant and men should be morally sound as much as every women. Inspite of that crimes will continue to happen but to wrap up with a belief that all men are the same is actually unfair.

The important message that we should soak into is, women run the same race of life and living today. They have limitations and also skills in various facets but men also have their constraints. To blow the whistle too much in favour of females alone would actually mean we need more focus which is not always assiduous.

So lets live deligently

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

Yes it’s exactly two decades back on this day did destiny set me single . It felt like as if the heavens came crumbling down and I was drowned in an ocean of uncertainties.

Till that day I was a pampered ever appreciated , hand held wife of a gentleman beyond measure. I chose my priorities as being a mom first and then a professional. What I earned and how I spent was my fancy. My two sons were my greatest assets and life hovered around giving them a fruitful and upright life. Living was something I never thought of. It was so much taken for granted that finances, utilities and basics of life would always be flowing in for with blissful certainty.

That jolt on the 3rd of September 2004 suddenly made me realise that nothing in this world is as per plans. It’s absolutely true that “destiny is what happens while you are busy planning other things”

Stroke of a thunder the ground slipped off below my feet. I was groping in the dark with glittering dreams all around my children. I asked myself shall I be able to hold my boys to the shores of their dreams? Never for a moment did I care if I was hungry, tired or insecure. All what I did was to pursue a life to realise that single dream.

Now two decades since then, I see two good humans perusing lives they deserve. I am thankful to the unseen for everything I got on my platter. However, sometimes I ask myself, Is this the best I deserve?

As age advances, other insecurities surface. Life has taught me to be happy and complete in myself. Some souls are born to be towers of courage in the forest of life till a storm bigger than ever wipes them out.

Up until life takes a turn beyond control, I can only hope, pray and confess that never did I knowingly harm any soul nor felt negative vibes for any growing one.

Sailing in the unknown sea has been entrusted on us, so be it till life parts.

life is actually your reaction to a given situation. In the course of a normal day almost all of us run through similar ups and downs. However certain phases of life for all of us can be extremely painful. The impact of every event in one’s life depends on how you react. Some people have the ability to handle a lot with least surge of adrenaline or a spurn of serotonin. It’s actually easy to respond to any stressors by just pushing the panic button. But it takes a lifetime of penance and perseverance to learn to chill after any jolt in life.

It’s only the resilience that a person gathers from having handled storms of unexpected events that they know how to navigate through another one. The waves of moulting lava that flow out from an unexpected situation will freak out every individual who has never seen the volcano or survived the heat. The thought of balancing in a situation that you cannot imagine is actually unsurmountable. It is also neither possible to face every situation with a smile for how we feel at that moment or day will groom us to pave our way.

Some situations are honestly very difficult specially when it involves our dear ones. But just as a brook takes a journey to flow with a river and a river takes a road down to meet the sea, so also each of us mould, break, remould and evolve into souls we deserve to be.

Have you been noticing the maddening Guwahati traffic. This city has no rules for driving, parking, walking or even standing.

No where in India ( any smart city) shall you find vehicles to right, vehicles to left, vehicles behind all in a sea of vehicles. To top it all, pedestrians often smartly raise an arm and cross the road when the signal has just turned green and you have started driving after a few minutes of waiting.

The question here is, why is everyone in such a rush? If you are maintaining a decent distance from the vehicle ahead of you why others barge in from another lane. If you are taking a left turn with your flasher blinking, why does a two wheeler cross you on your left and you thump with a adrenaline pumped heart beat.

With new flyovers, road widening lighting and policing nothing appears to ease traffic. It’s just perhaps the mind set of our people. Unless we have the time and attitude to be patient nothing will change. Let’s do some teaching of decency to our comrades. If even a small fraction of our educated people start a venture obviously many will benefit from. Every car/ two wheeler please be polite and patient. By crashing traffic rules and creating chaos on the road either by rash driving or irresponsible parking you are challenging your own peace of driving.

Since our roads are narrow and population is high it’s all the more important to work in symbiosis to make life easier by following rules. Unless our drivers, pedestrians, slow vehicles are willing to change their mindset from gatecrashing to civilised civic rules followers nothing can change.

A class of educated people sit together to frame civic rules and some talk about developed countries and their facilities. But the reality is no country can progress unless citizens have it in their mindset to abide by rules with no second thought.

Parking is an etiquette. Driving a fancy vehicle but parking irresponsibly reveals your uncivilised crude true nature.

It’s not any authority who can set this right. It’s us, YOU and ME who have to soak it in us that “this is our city and it’s our individual responsibility to make life liveable”

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

This is often a lesser discussed concept. However with every other family who are managing a home and raising kids, does anyone even for a thought imagine what it is to sail alone. Most people highlight their limitations when one parent is temporarily off line. But unless you run over the grill of balancing parenthood and work together it is not easily comprehendible. Humans are naturally created to be either a mom or a dad. A female child loves to play with a baby doll trying to be the mother and boys love cars and guns. This is of course not mandatory but when circumstances compel otherwise the sailing gets bumpy. It also perhaps depends upon the situation.

These days some youngsters by choice adapt single parenting and they follow their own strategy of accomplishing it. My highlight here is to share the major hurdles that I as a single mom encountered 20 years back when I had to manage two boys one in his early teens and another just 6 years old.

The 1st feeling is just a thunderous, fearful, sinking fear of uncertainty. There was always a castle of high hopes and aspirations nurtured over a decade of married life which got crushed in the blink of an eye. The initial few months is obviously managing grief and insecurities. It’s a very big challenge to set oneself back onto the rails and keep moving ahead. In the process of monitoring the mental health of children the mother in me forgot to address my own issues. I highly recommend every single parent who’s trying to face this challenge with a rage of love and promises, it’s extremely important to also care about all the mental and physical limitations that you encounter and not feel guilty about it as I once did. There was a time when I felt gripped with blameworthiness whenever I was tired at the end of a long day.

Now after over two long decades, yes I can reveal the rather ludicrous things I once did. I strongly believed that good food was only for my children. All my earnings was only for their rearing. I should never ever even dream of any personal priority. I am not too sure if the boys ever understood all my efforts and intentions. But looking back I feel one should never forget to love oneself.

The mountain of promises and commitments can be realised not just because you are working hard. It’s actually because your children also follow you. Such gifted and parentally challenged children have that igniting force to run towards their dreams.

Emotions like loneliness, love and simple desires of living got annihilated from my heart. I sometimes ask, would it have been possible to balance myself with all what was happening. Even today I am not sure.

It’s indeed a herculean task to live a normal life and also move on with grief and losses.

But certain facts are obviously more lucidly comprehensible now.

• If you are working hard finances fall in place

• If physical and mental health are taken care of, you can run the race

• Children learn values from what you do. Not from what you teach.
• leave certain decisions to this universe to which you are giving your best.
• Trust your children with their decisions.
• Never believe that they will forever depend on you.
• The sole purpose of parenting is to make children independent as early as possible.
• At the end of it all never believe that I will be a baggage for them to carry.
• Trust in destiny and keep floating as long as possible.
• Children obviously know your insecurities and they will hold when needed.
• Today looking retrograde and commenting is very easy compared to what it was when the days were charged with helplessness, fear, hopes and hard work.I came across so many people commenting with weird advice. But I am thankful that the courage in me kept me going valiantly. Simple skills like meeting a teacher in school, helping children with their daily issues, being an earning parent and a caring mother. I swear is something not every soul would appreciate.
• All said and done. I understand no one nurtures kids to be applauded. We enjoy the beautiful journey through all the bumps. Every day is divine. All we need to be thankful that we got a chance to do it. Now my only hope is as long as possible, let me deliver my dues to this universe so I can reach a shore of peace.

This busy world that keeps us running round the clock sometimes pauses to ask a question. Where are we headed for ? When will most of us feel done and dusted ? What’s our destination upto ?

The simple answer to most of us is that we are moving on in an inertia where our pursuit for the wrap up to ring down the curtain is undefined.

As young adults we were headed for a career, next most people get busy with family and priorities around our loved ones. We work initially to get the ship of life sailing and when we reach the mid sea we dream higher and unless intercepted with misfortune the goal gets misty in the horizon. As success ushers people envisage bigger fantasies. It’s at this time when it’s important to ask oneself, what did I initially conceive about life and now what am I trying to pursue.

It’s absolutely pragmatic to upgrade and bear aloft one’s achievements but the question is where to ? and also when upto ?

It’s one life that we are all living . We need to work, achieve, give, relish and also take back our share of bliss. The journey of the busy race sometimes blurs the purpose with the pace. The few who know when to hold up, slow down, introspect and be in peace with this universe are the few blessed ones.

The aura of material attainments and triumph of social positions are perhaps alluring. At the same time that beautiful delineation between to do and done needs to be drawn. Apart from running for herculean achievements to fill our basket of name and fame it’s edifying to perceive that life has beauty beyond.

The small fountains of peace in every situation in life are often ignored until a very late stage of maturity. There is so much happiness in making another person smile. That wild flower in the bush and the drop of dew on the grass in your backyard. The neatly set kitchen, that half empty wardrobe. The dishes done and the laundry bag empty. Some may feel these are paltriness. But no if you can feel happy with these usually insignificant things then peace is what you have perceived.

The journey continues as preset. But the traveller which is each of us can choose to be happy or forever thirsty. The baggage of good and bad is usually equal at the end of it all. What matters is how we introspect what we have on our platter. Honestly meeting your own soul and counting all the positive energy it holds can give each of us a wonderful feeling of fulfilment.

Life is ultimately how you interpret your own equation of search and found in terms of pains taken to reach holy grails.

Life takes us through childhood, adolesence, youth, parenthood, job, excellence and what not. However in my life I must admit that the greatest feeling of happiness has come with my little package of love, Alana my grand daughter.

First of all she’s the daughter I always wanted and then to my perception she is the cutest baby in this universe . She’s brought me that feeling of pure joy and bliss that I have been unknowingly groping for in the last over two decades of life.

I have seen and heard about how grandparents bond with their grand children but when my turn came to occupy this seat I swear there is no greater happiness.

The thought of her living across the oceans in a far off land just pours in my endorphins and drenches me with pure happiness. Those early morning video conversations packed with smiles and monosyllabic sounds gives me the energy to carry on for the whole day. She has unknowingly given me all the love that I had lost long ago.

As children grow up the cuddly bundle of joy is no more there to hug and kiss. However we get used to the changing scenario of life and also get engrossed in the myriads of priorities that hold our energy to keep going. It’s only when you are least expecting to once again live with your arms full of contentment and pleasure does the almighty bless you with a grand child.

With her my prayers are richer and life has become more meaningful than ever before. I have suddenly realised that there are more reasons than I thought to carry on.

This bliss of being a grandma is no way comparable to any other laurels that life ever brought me.

I pray that all my children and grand children stay safe, loved, happy and good to this universe.

by

Madhumita Priyadarshini Das