Madhumita's Blog

These days woman empowerment is on the top of every agenda. I definitely do not wish to be skeptical about it in any way. But some experiences makes one introspect the whole concept of it. How far is all this genuinely true. Hailing from a family with no brothers I was never taught to believe that these’s a gender difference in anything.

Over a year back my father was admitted into the government hospital where I work.He was treated with all care and recovered. I was definitely thankful and expected nothing more. On the day of his discharge I got a small bill from the office. I was happy to pay it instantly. When I got to the payment desk I was astonished to know the laid down rules. With no queries from my end I was told “Ma’am sorry that you have to pay this bill”. I replied why sorry?. To my surprise I was informed that because I am a daughter I cannot claim that my nonagenarian father is my dependent. But had I been a son, it would be taken for granted that he’s my dependent and the bill would be waived. Gosh!! I thought great, this is the empowered Indian woman.

My father has no sons, so is he supposed to be ever independent? The amount due was meagre. But the message carried was traumatic.

What are we empowering our women folk for. Only to make them work at par with men.

I felt bilittled and disgusted. If you have rules fine follow it with no gender bias. Only then will every Indian woman feel empowered.

Sitting on the edge of the fifth decade with years of living and working I am sure we can all reflect. For me also I have nothing unusual to highlight. But I sometimes feel am I hallucinating. Going back to an empty nest ( without my partner) cooking, cleaning and resting is so normal for me. I am pretty much used to my private space. But sometimes I understand that not many people like it this way. I go for movies, holidays, parties and social events all alone and am comfortable. The other day a random friend mentioned that if you enjoy going to a movie theatre alone you have achieved solitude. I asked myself, how can this be an achievement? Perhaps because I love myself I don’t want to neglect my yearnings. It’s also because I cannot gel with everyone for too long.
With all this and my independent living I sometimes wonder. Is it true that
*I had a spouse.
*I mothered two sons
*They are my own sons but grown up.
* I once cooked for a family.
* We all have splendid memories together.
I still live in the same house, sleep on the same bed and eat on the same table. The walls echo memories and every little thing has a piece of happiness in it.
All this happened to me in this lifetime?. I trust I am not hallucinating.
How have I chosen to be happy this way?.
Today is the 3rd of September 2022. Long 18 years since my husband left us.
Our boys ( our jewels) Raja and Jeet managed to get educated in America after disaster struck but I don’t have any loan to repay.
They both are now fortunately settled in America much better than many other kids of their background.
How did all this happen?
Today both my boys and my daughter in law called up to check if I am doing fine. Honestly I am fine.
I who was such a pampered and loved daughter and a wife could perhaps excel as a mother.
This destiny of single motherhood is defiantly a challange. All I did to my knowledge was focus, buck up and run.
The destination was not visible but imagination was framed.
I wanted the kids to be independent, good human beings. There they are.
I now pray that we can carry on holding hands like this. Health is a great treasure to be ever thankful and praying for. I pinched myself and realised that all this is reality.
Life has moved on for close to two decades now with memories that were painful to ones being imprinted.
My conjugal life was much shorter but this virtually contend life has been longer.

Beautiful September usually fuses me and my sons with a plethora of thoughts and memories. It was on 3rd of September 2004, long 18 years back my husband had left me and my two little boys to face this world alone.
family life is so much taken for granted in early years of living that it’s not easy to perceive what this loss means.But fortunately for us life moved on. We struggled, we fought odds and rose above our insecurities and learnt to survive.
The heavens showered us with perseverance and health. We were patient to wait for the sunshine. The belief that there will be light one-day kept us sailing.
We never compared ourselves with any one else. The trust that hard work holds fortune and happiness was our hope. Today we are far better than what we were. It’s at times a little hard to soak in that we live across the globe but technology binds us tight. I sometimes wonder would I have shared my day to day thoughts and happening any more with my children than what we do today. Above all this if travel formalities gets easier there is no remorse.
We all have accepted every bit of our lives happily.
One soul touching expression by my younger son filled up by heart with content today. It was our regular morning conversation and my Jeet said ” Ma how are you?” I replied it’s September again. He responded, “I know Ma but don’t lament.”
“Look at me and Dada, aren’t we fortunate”.
I once again understood that yes, every life is a story but facing it is another reality. We held hands and kept floating and today we stand on a safer land and cherish the past. We are grateful for everything that happened and pray we can carry on as long as destined.

CIVIC SENSE. WHY THE NEED?

The society exists on certain mutual trust and hence duties. We prefer a life style, a job, a location, or even a position because we trust to coexist. This feeling of security and peaceful existence evolves out of faith in the responsibility of
each person towards their duties.
This duty is not just for family and profession. The duty that we shoulder in coexistence is obviously civic sense. If anyone fails in being conscious about our civic responsibilities all others suffer.
Every child should be taught to make his own living congenial with others comfort. Throwing away trash is so naturally disciplined in developed nations that many of our people fail to connect to the appreciation of this responsibility. Clean roads, flood free habitations, disease free co-existence of those countries is simply because no one trashes the roads and sidewalks.
Next imagine how wonderful it would be to drive on roads where you trust everyone else is responsible. If you could be confident that no one will overtake from the wrong side and no pedestrian will raise an arm and start walking across the packed unruly roads the stress generated would be manageable. The fatigue after a short drive on our roads where there is no civic sense of most people is so hazardous.
The courtesy to wait for your turn in any public place is just oblivious to some people. If you are in a bank counter managing your financial issues, some people don’t realize the breach of privacy when they break in with their own issues. This fear to visit offices for our problems is a huge social hazard. Why this civic sense has never been nurtured in those people is itself a riddle to many.
Again, comes health issues. Many of our people express their care by being over curious about half cooked medical details. Its perhaps enough to drop a word or message and get connected when asked for. Good vibes is the best you can give a sick person. Cook a meal if needed or share expenditure if called for. Besides this, the habit of blurting on someone’s face that they have lost or gained weight is the bitterest form of civic irresponsibility that some have.
It’s often perceived as victory by some who can push you out of a queue in an airport or a temple. Question is why? Everyone will get a turn. The plane will not take off without you. The temple door will not shut down if you are waiting. This lack of civic sense is unfathomable.
Some people in their behavior not only reflect civic irresponsibility but also egomania. To be respectful towards elderly people in a crowd is mandatory. Make a child or an ailing person comfortable with space and demeanor wherever needed. This is a basic civic responsibility.
Most of us expect people around us to be kind and helpful often forgetting our mutual responsibility.
How can one expect a kind neighbor if you have been insensitive or ungracious. Every individual has the need to realize the basic etiquettes of healthy coexistence. Noise decibels, hygienic disposals, parking etiquette and basic mutual concern need to be inculcated forever. If a neighbor decides to did his compound with a JCB from 10 pm to dawn then this is not just lack of civic sense but insanity. This is just an example but even music or cleaning should be done without any one in the neighborhood feeling uncomfortable.
All this apart don’t you believe every pedestrian also has a civic responsibility? In incomprehensible why on public corridors or ramps people walk bizzarro. If someone is normally walking on the left side it is expected that the person from the opposite side also takes his left but some irresponsible people are just unaware of this basic courtesy. Sometimes walking on busy public corridors or balconies is just perilous.
These are just few highlights of our civic responsibilities. The bottom line to it all is to have a comfortable social platform each of us are responsible. If we are only conscious about our rights and dues without being aware of what we owe we can never wrap up on a healthy cohesive Orde. Life will be wonderful if the esprit de corps or the common spirit of honor is maintained.

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini

REDEFINING WOMANHOOD

Woman are an integral part of humankind. The special features of female gender are….
They are beautiful but physically usually a little weaker. But so far as mental faculties or other intricate physical abilities are concerned, they are the same with males or even transgenders. The added facet to this creation is they carry the human race forward by bearing children with the help of their male partners. Females are as such normally no different in the battle of life.
However off late the focus is, why are females exploited at home or work. This snowballing discussion around every woman’s day celebration or even otherwise is perhaps the key cause for all this menace.
Every person male or female have to carry stress at work. So is it with parenting and managing a home,. If a woman drives her way to work or school and the man gets the food ready at home then why point at differences. Perhaps two or three decades back when we were all evolving, some women by choice stayed back at home and steered the wheel there.
Everyone changes roles. Even a man has to carry the responsibility of being a son, a friend, a husband and a father while they hold the burden of earning and working outside. Its high time to do away with gender specific analysis and highlighting such issues anymore.
There are men who these days stay at home and take care of family and chores there because the woman has a stable job outside. This kind of working reshuffle is seen both in the urban and rural areas. Not only that, many affluent families are financially fathered by the working woman.
It’s definitely not only the females who are vulnerable to stress, depression or getting burnt out. Every human at any age from childhood to old age can feel exhausted and bogged down. This is no way gender specific. However, the fact that females are usually physically weaker does not make them vulnerable unless the society reiterates that woman are different, weaker, less privileged etc. The general outlook towards women by the society at large has time and again made them victims of unwanted criminal activities. If people are nurtured learning the fact that women can be physically harassed and they are downtrodden then how can we wipe out such consequences. Celebrating Woman’s Day by spotlighting on some woman who supposedly broke barriers only means that these barriers still exist.
Why aren’t men who broke such illusionary barriers also appreciated. What about the men who are singly parenting kids, are they ever talked about? There are men who work outside home for a living like all of us and yet back home they teach, feed, cook and do all chores to keep the family going. Every piece of work is ability specific. If a judge gives a judgement, will it change depending on the judge’s gender? If a doctor treats a patient, will the protocol change depending on the doctor’s gender. These skills are ability specific. There is no shift in the work output determined by the gender of the service giver.
Let us continue to appreciate achievers in all fields but let it be gender neutral. The more we keep reminding the society that women have now done things like these, that we need a change of attitude, that we need to give them equal status …. It only keeps highlighting the fact that women are still not equal. Why do we need reservations for women? Every job or service is ability specific. If a man is excellent in culinary skills or in sewing nobody highlights it with gender bias. But if a woman flies an aircraft or does any highly skilled piece of work, an applaud is definitely called for but let’s keep it gender unbiased.
The new generation men from enlightened backgrounds are slowly learning to feel shy if they are not competent in kitchen management or housekeeping.
Let’s do away with this focus on women as the feeble, fragile, infirm human.
The demeanor change should begin in every home. Once men start sharing every piece of work that crops up at home with no reservations then how will unhealthy values roll down to the next generation.
If we can swap this acknowledgement of achievements with admiration of skills and abilities keeping the gender bias neutral, perhaps only then we will live in a society of coequal.
Men are equally vulnerable at work or home. They are bigger pressure cookers of stress and victims of discrimination. But the spotlight of all unhealthy inadequacies is hovered around females.
If we can do away with such unreasonable bias, we will gradually build a social structure where every person gets their due attention and appreciation remaining neutral of other unhealthy factors.

By
Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

life is a changing scenario.

when kids are small, we feel teenagers are easier.

As teens come, parenting gets tougher.

later with early youth, uncertainties galore.

When they are settled and you are older.

You only recall the past dearer.

So enjoy every stage for it never comes back.

Every phase is wonderful get going.

Your kids give you the real meaning of life.

Know when to hold yourself back and let them fly.

Going with the change is living.

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

When in grief 

Optimise your expression 

Not everyone will empathise.

When happy 

Hold it tight.

Not everyone feels the same for you.

When lonely 

Learn to be contend.

That’s the ultimate reality.

Life is a flow of events.

Learning to sail is living.

The greatest reality is this moment.

Live it to the best and harvest peace .

But yes, everyone has real friends in life .

Often unidentified but help flows like a fountain when ever needed.

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das .

#reflections.

With this hyper dynamic work centric life, it’s natural to feel mundane at times.

But as life keeps flowing we all tend to gather a lot of trash along the way. I have realised that decluttering life of all stress, strain and that unwanted adrenaline surge is the way forward to healthy living. This inturn helps to keep a symbiosis between productivity and relaxation. Perhaps the art of letting go unwanted weight is the final key to the destination of satiety.

This technique of drifting off from pain and fatigue has many avenues. Some people relax with music, some with books or movies. Yet others relieve by holidaying and some just sleep over.

I have lately learnt a wonderful way to catch up with the past which is always beautiful. We often marvel our childhood passions, and that carries a spark of longevity and fantasy. I have learnt that the sheer happiness that we get out of such activities is beyond easy contrivance. I love to play on a swing in the park, ride on a merry go round and all the adventure rides. Besides, even playing with crackers and fireworks makes me ” happy”.These simple and often inexpensive activities flush out a lot of pain and strain that we keep holding.

It’s the law of nature, that we are born alone and then grow up with our first family , as we move forward we create our own nest. But with time the chronology may be in different sequences we land up being alone again. This phase of life may be full of uncertainties and helplessness . The spirit to hold on and yet feel good can be manipulated by these simple efforts.

life if full of unseen events for everyone .It’s upto each of us to play our cards on time and keep ourselves going.

At the end it’s health and happiness that are our richest harvests. These little endeavours may prove to be a fountain of support to feel strong and peaceful as long as possible.

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

Home, “ our comfort nest”

for sure nobody will protest.

Apart from this divine appeal.

What makes home peaceful?

A voice who asks how was your day?

Be it a parent, Sibling, Spouse or kid.

They are the drive for us to live.

We work to keep going.

But without others needs to meet.

The drive to fulfil our emotion to live,

often makes a retreat.

Imagine a home with no festive needs.

Yes, Home “Our comfort nest”

for sure nobody will protest.

But a buzzing family with expectations in quinary.

Is finally the cherry on the pudding of each family.

Imagine a home where you are the queen.

You greet your self with every need.

Celebrations are around you alone.

Happiness, remorse, laughter and tears are all your solitude dear.

At the end of it all no body accepts.

That for a soul like that to be smiling and happy, is a celebration of courage, confidence, determination and love.

Let us all reflect our light.

To every lonely home that wishes to shine.

Light brightens on reflection.

Every being is the almighty’s creation.

If we spread happiness,

These lonely souls shall quieten.

Life at the end is what you give

never valued on what we take.

By

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

Every person will for sure have beautiful stories to share about some somersaulting events in life. Here is one such which made me believe once again that patience and hard work can move anything.

I recall my early years as a single mom, when our financial needs were bigger to realise our childrens career and education.It’s actually like suddenly falling off from heaven when you realise that you are all alone with your brilliant kids. When a successful father is offloaded from the journey of life with commitments just blossoming, the responsibility is herculean on a pampered woman, who was always basking under the umbrella of her partner.

The teething problems are all tangled up with the lack of confidence.I recall how I counted every penny before any meagre expenses. Our elder son who was then preparing for his 10th grade board examination, had asked me if I could afford a one is to one special tuition for him for science. I juggled though my resources and my confidence crashed. I had to confess that Rs 1000 per month at that time would be impossible for me to bear. This pain haunts me even today. But luckily he accepted it in the right spirit. When that board results came in, I saw he missed the highest mark in science by just 1. This feeling is crushing but if you reflect its also a blessing. Our boys learnt to appreciate the value of money at that tender age.

life moved on with patience and immense perseverance on the part of all three of us. I moved to a more comfortable financial zone and our boys climbed up the ladder of life facing all hurdles with confidence.

Presently, our elder one has his own start up for almost 2 years now and the younger one at 24 is able to live the life of his dreams but of course with dedication and commitment to work.

As I was sailing through a lonely working Durga Puja this season. I was all along reflecting on the beautiful memories we have of the festivals when the kids were home.

On the day of Bijaya Dasami, when everyone wishes for the triumph of good over evil. My life just came pouring in with material happiness.Our elder son called and we mom and son had a long heart to heart conversation. That alone is a great pleasure for any mother.But God seemed to be kinder. At the end of our happy exchanges, he softly said, ” Ma my company has moved to the next level”. I unwittingly asked, what does that mean. He humbly replied from today we are valued much more than I ever imagined .

Oh Dear ! Life truly takes its own space and time to give you your dues. This boy could not get a tuition worth over 10 dollars about 15 years back, today tells his mom the value of his brain child” Triple Blind”.

This just proves that sweat, blood and patience can reach most material goals. I say this because I feel for real peace of mind and happiness one will also have to work on it. I told my boy ” Touch wood, thank the almighty and learn to also be peaceful and content”.

life moves on but to count our blessings and be an arcadian soul is another art to master .

By

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das