Madhumita's Blog

Being a doctor and a self proclaimed grounded person, I always believed in facing life as it comes .

I thought life comes in a platter of sweet, sour and bitter goodies. Our role is to enjoy whatever is served without a wince. But alas!!!today as I was brushing my hair in front of the mirror in my balcony, my attention slipped. I saw the glistening sands of time staring at me .My new wealth, the steaks of grey in my black crown which was perhaps holding all my youth.

I have always been a proponent of believing in the course of nature. I tell people, why colour your hair to camouflage age. We are part of nature’s lets move along with that course.I used to say, hair dye is artificial, topped with ammonia and ingredients toxic to health.

But now suddenly as I see own glistening streaks of silver, my thoughts, promises and faith all slip. I have started to ponder.Yes, I have googled for natural hair colours ( I know the gimmicks ).Still further for ammonia free colours. Yes this is me, I have pinched myself to believe.

This is definitely another lesson I have learnt with time.Never believe too much in your own convictions.Life is actually dynamic and so are our perceptions.What we believe today as perfect appears to be completely illogical when gazed from a different position in time and space.

This also carries the message that being dogmatic or fanatic in any way is immaturity. It is best to keep our bandwidth flexible and loosely comfortable.

Life is actually how you soak into a reality and feel at home with it.

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

One full calendar year health care workers sailed through the Covid storm facing all the crests and troughs with no complaints .No body expressed , but some were pregnant , some had infants at home others had ailing family members and yet others had elderly vulnerable parents .

Almost everyone else had the option to work from home . Like all others, health care workers also faced the shortage of food supplies and financial crunch . But some lucky people made dalgona coffee and baked cookies .

But what did the health worker face a little more ? There’s no question for the extra hours of sweat or toil . That’s for sure to the society we owe . But the concern is the mental agony .The constant fear of being a covid bomb to the family . The advice was to protect the paediatric and geriatric from the risk of covid exposure. But when there was constant risk of hospital ( red zone) shunting family member at home !!!! Has anyone wondered how people addressed that mammoth issue in the house . Some had to switch homes or hire new places . But nobody raised a voice .

The covid curve peaked through the days and seasons .The Almighty with everyones efforts got it flattened and scientists brought vaccines . The covid prevention protocol was never recommended to be put off guard .

But alas !! for just a handful of happy go lucky people . We forgot our restrictions . Just as Sita crossed the Laxman Rekha on being lured by Ravana . Our people got Off board with festivities .

But now , What are we headed for ?

We can see the sharp uprise in the immediate future . The economy will once again dip. People will go back home .Things will shut down .But what will happen to the tired , mentally depressed ,physically sick health care workers ? They were now trying to heal . Some of them needed medication and others not but the time to heal was still unfolding .

The thought of red zone duties once again with all the anxiety and pain.A wandering question , Could all this be avoided if people played safe?

Simple norms of hand hygiene , social distancing and Mask.

Sometimes a stitch in time can surely save a mighty nine .

We are still not inside the deep sea . Lets all try to be sensible and save mankind . Let our children live a normal life . I am sure the effect of this pandemic will be far reaching .

I pray that in a few decades from now hopefully the next generation will not blame the shadows of this biological war just like we still see the new generations continue to suffer from the nuclear bombing in Japan during the last century .

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

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The Indian population as we all know is diverse in all aspects .Educational background , culture ,financial condition , needs and expectations . We as a class belong to a chunk of educated working citizens . We live with some realistic ,achievable hopes and needs . We work for the government ,and have put in our hearts and souls into it . But again of all the government service holders we are that fraction who neither aspire for financial schemes nor have the power to influence decisions . So where do we stand .

Whenever its time for elections , I run through the same volley of unanswered questions .Why are we paying over 3 months of our salaries as taxes . We do not expect any waiver or fancy perks . We neither want to pay back less than what has been set by rules. We want basic life sustaining amenities . Our expectations include , social security, proper civic amenities like water supply and flood control . A hygienic city would mean control of most mosquito and flies bourne ailments . We would be happy with just a clean , secure , anxiety of water free life as our basic need .

But , alas ; we never catch any attention for our votes are smattering both in number and weightage . The compilation of promises and agendas are designed to satisfy the rural and semi urban Indians who are biggest in numbers and that’s of highest value for an aspirant for power . The next valuable class of voters are the affluent entrepreneurs and industrialists who can liberally shake off wealth for the sake of powerful connections .

So , I ponder . Where is the value of our fundamental right of Democracy . We work honestly . We pay our dues without complaints . We aspire for a reasonable existence , we follow rules . But when it comes to our dues no single aspirant to the corridors of power has our needs on their agenda .

My question shall perhaps remain unanswered for a few more decades .

But I wish to exercise my franchise once again .

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

Sitting on the other side of the 5th decade of life , I wish to pendown a few flashing thoughts .Yes have traversed through childhood and youth to reach the early sunset years of life . But as I look back like all of us perhaps do , I realise life has given me the opportunity to understand and accept a lot of truth which are experiences blissful as well as unpalatable .

I should admit , my childhood was perfect . Grew up in a nuclear family under the care of educated and enlightened parents . They in the 1960’s saw to it that we read , played , drove , swam , recited , debated and even tasted fashion and travel .With no antipathy I had a love marriage in the middle of building up my Medical career . Subsequently my husband proved to be ideal in his respect and concern for my career and limitations . Till that stage in life I should say I was served everything on a golden platter .

But lightening struck when I was in my late 30’s , husband in his 40’s and the boys were 6 and 13 years of age .

I was learning to be financially independent , Husband was at the height of success in his career . The boys were blossoming little hard working geniuses. What better or rather worse stage of life could the bread earner of the family be struck with stage 4 cancer . But that’s what happened and we had just no option .

In over 3 months since diagnosis , when we squeezed in all our resources ,time and energy , the whole situation slipped out of control .The protective patriacal umbrella of the super blessed family was blown away .

I now the sole parent of this family had no choice / respite / pondering but to just plunge in a take a grip of everything .It was like a chariot that was running towards a destination but way ahead of that the charioteer dropped dead and the co driver who was all along still learning the art took full control of things . The chariot flashed past all odds and reached a destination . The passengers are now all over the globe riding their own wheels . Its only now that loneliness has finally set in .

Relfections that sometimes bothers at this stage is ;

As a daughter ,I tried to be whatever best I thought I can .Father passed away a few weeks back . Mother now an octogenarian is also battling loneliness after 58 years of conjugal life . I don’t blame her the least for I am still learning to cope my 17 years of lonliness which is surfacing only now for I have time to look back at the sweet 16 years of togetherness that I had .

As a wife I stood by my husband like a spouse, a doctor, a nurse , a mother … and what ever else possible till death put us apart . But as a mother I am more than confident that I did my level best of course not aware of any unknowing faults in parenting which I am sure I must have committed all along the way .

Today the empty nest with two good human beings having flown off makes me happy and also gripped with solitude .

For if you have earned wealth , imparted knowledge , borne and parented kids , taken care of elderly parents . Now the question I ask …. What is my next responsibility ? . Who do I trust for in my hours of grief or pain . Uncertainities galore . My only objective now is “TO KEEP MY MIND STILL IN ALL THESE SPLASHES OF PAIN , FOR EVERYTHING WILL PERHAPS THAN GO IN VAIN ”

But certainly its not only pain . I do perceive happiness of having done whatever I could . I could wade through the adversities of life with a handful of helpful souls . The universe has blessed my boys to be on their own . I am till date standing like a rock where I have tried to hold on till entrusted by destiny .

DR Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

It was a happening world till the other day when man was perhaps not in anyway concerned
about mother earth , nature , atmosphere and the unseen power of this universe .
Humans started working dreaming realising that mechanical means were the only route to
ultimate bliss .
There was no doubt that an undercurrent of thoughts about the ozone layer depleting , pollution
mounting ,lifestyle related illnesses were increasing but our priorities were just invincible .
The concept of happiness and peace got centered around ones achievements ,whereas
empathy , love , care and universal concern dwindled to almost oblivion .
It was just for things to go through an unprecedented change.
In Spite of many many calls in the form of disease ,death and dying natural beauty and
resources mankind refused to slow down .
We sought peace in expensive holidays and fancy shopping .Financial security became our
marker of happiness and success .
But mother earth was suffering and nature was in pain.
“SYMBIOSIS” the law of nature had to somehow establish to bring back what we were actually
destined to be made for .
Today this little microscopic human enemy (Covid 19) which has taken grip of this earth has
made mankind realise that we need to get back to our roots .
As humans remain confined under lockdown mother earth is healing .
Natural beauty is visible in huge congested cities .
Wild life is out on many otherwise busy roads from lockdown habitats to share a little space on
this earth which belongs to them as well .
I am sure by now we all realise
1) How little we need to be living
2) A bag of fresh vegetables or a tray of groceries is enough to make us feel happy
3) Spending too much time in socialising to feel destressed is not always mandatory , just a
connect even virtual is equally rewarding
4) Peace within can be achieved alone , nobody will hold us down that path .
5) Man is mortal , but as long as we are alive if we can be of some purpose in someones
life that is ultimate “ Nirvana”
The idea of this whole realisation is not to advise man to become a monk but yes definitely if we
could remain grounded and connected with the universe and maintain a scientific symbiosis
mankind will live a physically , morally and emotionally healthy life unless after centuries an
upheaval of workcentric activities topples this mutual coexistence .

Human nature is not always logical .

A succesful mother seeks a better career , a loved wife wants a new valentine .

A succesful career ushers hopes for higher levels of success .

Beauty wants health and the healthy seeks more wealth .

The pursuit for happiness and a restful soul continues on and on until we are gone to a destination where only acceptance of our platter of destiny is the choice we are forced to deal with .

But , yes  , why most of the times , its awefully difficult to accept ,be happy ,in terms and at peace with what ever our basket of blessings is loaded with .

Its finally ,all within us ,our mind ,our attitude ,our acceptance , of course sprinked with faith and confidence that can keep our everday life rolling with the harnessing of sheer bliss so our existence is painless and the soul is in peace .

However , this pursuit of peace just goes on and on till we have learnt to sink it in .

DR MADHUMITA PRIYADARSHINI DAS

 

Yes , today as I sit and look back at life from my nearing mid fifties I can see so many vibes and perceptions that I could never comprehend ,percieve  or even imagine how the waves of time and fate could move anyone in ways and directions unseen , unheard unexpected in the wildest of human imagination .

Yes, at any point in life we are all busy running after errands incomplete and worrying about dreams unfulfilled . But in many ways life is to a large extend preset by forces not under our control .

We have all faced hardships and losses in life that are at times beyond repair be it materially or emotionally.

But we have matured with all this time and tide that’s touched our seasoned shores of life .

Most of us have mothered children who are now flourishing in whatever field they have choosen to be ( I say mother because ,I enjoyed this amazing journey as one ) 

But reflections on this beautiful path that I have trodden makes me realise many messages to share .

For a woman like me , a daughter , then a wife and then a mother and parallely a career , I thought I was made to be only doing whatever was allocated to me in my zone of “duties ” which I did to the best I could . Yes I managed academics with excellence , housekeeping with pleasure , a wife with immence love showered , a widow with pain and insecurities, my career with success and most importantly as a mother , my motto has been to never count on what I could give out of whatever I had , but to wholeheartedly try to nurture two good human beings that can walk on this earth to spread some useful message to mankind as they have grown .

I am confident that yes I have done that with whatever level of perfection I could and I am contended with it .

Now comes , my story , if all my life I have worked towards my duties and made things happen the way my parents , my husband , children or work place needed it to be then when did I do what I fancy and its this reflection now that makes me feel like unwinding various jouneys I took all focussed in one direction like a specially abled person who only knows to stroll straight ahead and remain deaf to the cacophony to appealing entertainments that frequently came my way .

There does come a stage in life when , career achievements , well nurtured kids , financial security , and mental peace is not enough . The heart seeks more , the soul wants to rest . We even in middle age want to be foot loose and fancy free .  Its just at this point in life we start enjoying solo holidays , watching an off beat movie , reading a life changing book and the company of emotionally matured , stable and balanced friends . We fear not the gender because we have grown out of that vulnerable age and desires we care not what the world says , we only want a soul to share our joys and pain 

Its this point in life I feel , it dawns on us that why did all my life I save my clothes , my jewellery , my money , my crookeries , my household goddies . That beautiful bed cover ,that hand embroidered table runner and that gorgeous silk dress which is now looking old in the closet .

There were times when I crushed my wish to buy that ethnic jewellery which today even if I can effort to it does not appeal to me . 

All my life I paid my life insurance premiums on time because my husband died unexpectedly early and I suffered from uncertainities . But now , I feel my children hopefully have no reason to lean on what I snowballed over years of obsessive saving at the cost of sometimes crumbling my colorful whims and fancies .

These are just random thoughts I know not even today what’s the right choice but atleast yes , I can definitely commit . If health stands by you in pink then worry not just live a life you dream because everything finally can fall into place at a time when a lot of your energy and enthusiasm fades and you look back and life smile and can say ” Yes I have reached , my destination but did I carry more of insecurities and pain than was needed” 

Life is actually beautiful, let your desires flow and enjoy everyday . Mortals like us never harm others so neither put yourself in pain 

DR MADHUMITA PRIYADARSHINI DAS 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today the world is so visibly conscious about woman empowerment and about  trying to create a woman friendly ambience at every front that sometimes it makes me wonder, actually what has visibly or palpably changed with this conscious revolution of the elite and powerful section of the contemporary society .

We are a section of career woman who should have by now observed at least some subtle changes as we have been in profession for over a quarter of a century till date .

But on introspection I fail to pick up significant changes in all aspects of human interactions . At work woman are still categorised as having limited skills by many and as such a lot of activities are kept away from them and to add to it the class of colleagues (mostly men )with preset outlooks simply fail to appreciate that a certain class of ladies have moved well ahead in life .

I agree that many of us are emotionally labile and physically constrained but that doesn’t mean we are any way restricted. Is the world aware of the burden of emotionally labile males and how they cope with life .

So all this is definitely not gender determined , it’s all in the mindset /outlook .

Its high time that we wrap up with all these conscious campaigns and exibits of countless efforts and instead accept that a “A woman of today knows to carry her along and needs just as much support as any other human being does “. This constant effort of some unworthy men to always topple them is what we actually need to reform than to run after unfulfilled campaigns of “Women empowerment “and continue to harbour unhealthy rustic thoughts about this whole concept of the female child /mother /colleague.

Prayer is not of the same meaning to all . Prayer has multiple interpretations to many people .
For some it is just blind faith , mingled with an element of fear . Its these people who believe in rituals and stringent rules to complete their services .
But on a larger platform prayer carries a more holistic message to many .
At least , I believe that through prayers , I can connect to my inner self ,introspect ,analyse and come to acceptable conclusions about many things that happen to us across profession, social interactions , family and self conflicting crusades .It is perhaps through this abstract ” communication with self ” that one can actually say thanks to the invincible for anything that pleases us , express a sorry for conscience bugs which we all have . Besides all this one can actually nurture confidence and trust in oneself to realise what we wish or hope for .
For those who believe in the power of prayers its actually faith in the fact that everything that’s happening in all our lives is not all under our control . A lot of things happen under the influence of forces which we cannot gauge or comprehend . It is this unseen force which one can call ‘destiny ‘ / ‘luck’ / ‘fate’that is beyond the most powerful being to redirect but obviously and unfailingly controls a huge portion of our achievements and happiness in life .
Even the most successful rulers have been helpless to the clutches of disease or accidents .
But the sad thing is at some stage of life when ” everything appears cool ” some people start believing ,that , I am the monarch of all I survey and they actually have a hidden fear / insecurity of loosing grip of success and with that in mind they perhaps start pompous , meticulous rituals that they feel will impress the almighty and keep them moving forward in their materialistically rich life .
However its ,perhaps very important to appreciate that material gains are not synonymous with mental peace
Its been scientifically proved that the highest number of patients with depression are among the financially richer strata of the social circuit . .
We all at some point in life do transcend to a state when we value only social security , love and peace we all get done with our craving for any form of power be it financial , social or material . It is that state of the mind where we start to feel secured , content and blissful not just transiently but always and everyday that we perhaps can appreciate the value of the ” ME Me ” time that some of us spend in prayer .
Prayer is definitely not chanting / singing / offering . All that may be of importance as a token to draw belief for some but to my understanding , prayer remains a part of my daily schedule to connect with the unseen under who’s influence a lot of events keep unfolding and above all it gives me the resilience to take things on my stride because all that happens to us during a day or a lifetime is not always as we wanted it to unfold .
Life goes on but the strength to face the same can be gathered in many ways of which I understand that prayer remains a cornerstone of faith and optimism for those who would agree to believe in it .

Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das

A sleepless , alert night and she wakes up exhausted trying to introspect why all the dilemma has crept into a tranquil life even after tormentous storms failing to hunch her down becauseof the strong instinct of motherhood in her .
She had unknowingly taken a pledge to stand by her children singlehandedly and make them good human beings and as far as possible realise their dreams come what may . It was all along this strong heavenly instinct that kept everything else under the carpet of resilience and acceptance till this day dawned when she realized that life was gradually slipping out of her grip and there was an urgent need to introspect and channelize the priorities  that could bring back the lost sense of peace and blessing that always reigned over the last almost one and a half decade of living a life of a single mother of two promising kids and a government job as a doctor which was enough in terms of financial stability to persue the life she could dream of under the compelling circumstances .

Sipping her morning tea in the balcony of a rural medical college , she realised that this is definitely not the life that she would like to continue with .

Elderly parents all alone at home residing 200 kms away and children across the globe and she alone in a shared government accomodation after having put in over 25 years of dedicated  service to the profession it was time to take a call and slip into her adventurous shoes once again and balance risk and safety with heroism and a blind mighty jump from stability to uncertainty but undoubtedly with faith and optimism that the future will hold her throughin the carrying the small basket of financial commitments she still had left unfinished to the promise of motherhood that had kept her going till date .

She took a mighty plunge .

Yes , that was exactly the background when she almost instantaneously put in her voluntary retirement papers to the government inspite of having calculated that she was sacrificing  over 12 years to go for her scheduled superannuation.   Next was building up her homework of backup plan A , Plan B and on and on but always wrapped with the power of strong optimism that ” If I do my best the almighty shall take care of the rest .”

An extrovert personality by nature she never left any person categorized as” friend ” to share her life changing decision that she had curved into her already bumpy existence .

As the days rolled on to months and the auspicious day dawned when she had completed  her scheduled period of notification ,she counseled herself to face the rage of the situation and got all her am munitions in terms of courage and optimism hold her wings and she was almost off to take her flight .

Ring ring , the phone goes and there speaks a stranger from an unknown number , ” Madam , you need to come to the seat of power , the state Secretariat   today , for there is a government order ready for you ” .

BANG , there is a tremor , sweating , hurry and hesitation , Oh God ! what would the comprehension of this once in a lifetime government order be framed like . It was like driving to a temple to get wedded to a man who was not very familiar , but yes with relief and remorse , confidence and fidgeting she reached her destination only to be handed over an order which read that she was transferred back to her hometown .

OMG !! What is this , she had requested for a premature retirement being convinced that a hometown posting was not anymore on her platter even in the wildest of her dreams but when the authorities decide and destiny plays the cards no rhyme or reason could come in between .

Not knowing what to call this  situation in the midst of a storm of uncertainties   she accepted destiny as she always did and could perceive that she was matured enough to handle life as preset by the unseen in spite  of feeling jerks in the mind , heart and soul .

Today she actually stands where she always was and all speculations suddenly off the horizon , but thankfully to work from back home in the comfort zone of her elderly parents and children far away .But no power on earth can beat the gossip gathered around her turn of events .

Off late she stands controversially in the eye of a storm of queries and conversation.

How on earth did this single apparently weak fragile female battle through this war of high voltage connections to reach a destination which colleagues refuse to believe that she had actually given up in reality .

The smoke around the flameless fire bellows up in the confused eyes of the comrades around and the wind echoes in their ears saying , we are baffled , clueless  and unwilling to accept that single females can rise up , fight ,prove , move and continue to stand up .

For this society knows no empathy and can only swing between sympathy and envy .

Its either black or white , there are no shades of grey .

DR MADHUMITA PRIYADARSHINI DAS