REDEFINING WOMANHOOD
Woman are an integral part of humankind. The special features of female gender are….
They are beautiful but physically usually a little weaker. But so far as mental faculties or other intricate physical abilities are concerned, they are the same with males or even transgenders. The added facet to this creation is they carry the human race forward by bearing children with the help of their male partners. Females are as such normally no different in the battle of life.
However off late the focus is, why are females exploited at home or work. This snowballing discussion around every woman’s day celebration or even otherwise is perhaps the key cause for all this menace.
Every person male or female have to carry stress at work. So is it with parenting and managing a home,. If a woman drives her way to work or school and the man gets the food ready at home then why point at differences. Perhaps two or three decades back when we were all evolving, some women by choice stayed back at home and steered the wheel there.
Everyone changes roles. Even a man has to carry the responsibility of being a son, a friend, a husband and a father while they hold the burden of earning and working outside. Its high time to do away with gender specific analysis and highlighting such issues anymore.
There are men who these days stay at home and take care of family and chores there because the woman has a stable job outside. This kind of working reshuffle is seen both in the urban and rural areas. Not only that, many affluent families are financially fathered by the working woman.
It’s definitely not only the females who are vulnerable to stress, depression or getting burnt out. Every human at any age from childhood to old age can feel exhausted and bogged down. This is no way gender specific. However, the fact that females are usually physically weaker does not make them vulnerable unless the society reiterates that woman are different, weaker, less privileged etc. The general outlook towards women by the society at large has time and again made them victims of unwanted criminal activities. If people are nurtured learning the fact that women can be physically harassed and they are downtrodden then how can we wipe out such consequences. Celebrating Woman’s Day by spotlighting on some woman who supposedly broke barriers only means that these barriers still exist.
Why aren’t men who broke such illusionary barriers also appreciated. What about the men who are singly parenting kids, are they ever talked about? There are men who work outside home for a living like all of us and yet back home they teach, feed, cook and do all chores to keep the family going. Every piece of work is ability specific. If a judge gives a judgement, will it change depending on the judge’s gender? If a doctor treats a patient, will the protocol change depending on the doctor’s gender. These skills are ability specific. There is no shift in the work output determined by the gender of the service giver.
Let us continue to appreciate achievers in all fields but let it be gender neutral. The more we keep reminding the society that women have now done things like these, that we need a change of attitude, that we need to give them equal status …. It only keeps highlighting the fact that women are still not equal. Why do we need reservations for women? Every job or service is ability specific. If a man is excellent in culinary skills or in sewing nobody highlights it with gender bias. But if a woman flies an aircraft or does any highly skilled piece of work, an applaud is definitely called for but let’s keep it gender unbiased.
The new generation men from enlightened backgrounds are slowly learning to feel shy if they are not competent in kitchen management or housekeeping.
Let’s do away with this focus on women as the feeble, fragile, infirm human.
The demeanor change should begin in every home. Once men start sharing every piece of work that crops up at home with no reservations then how will unhealthy values roll down to the next generation.
If we can swap this acknowledgement of achievements with admiration of skills and abilities keeping the gender bias neutral, perhaps only then we will live in a society of coequal.
Men are equally vulnerable at work or home. They are bigger pressure cookers of stress and victims of discrimination. But the spotlight of all unhealthy inadequacies is hovered around females.
If we can do away with such unreasonable bias, we will gradually build a social structure where every person gets their due attention and appreciation remaining neutral of other unhealthy factors.
By
Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das
life is a changing scenario.
when kids are small, we feel teenagers are easier.
As teens come, parenting gets tougher.
later with early youth, uncertainties galore.
When they are settled and you are older.
You only recall the past dearer.
So enjoy every stage for it never comes back.
Every phase is wonderful get going.
Your kids give you the real meaning of life.
Know when to hold yourself back and let them fly.
Going with the change is living.
Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das
Categories
My Belief
When in grief
Optimise your expression
Not everyone will empathise.
When happy
Hold it tight.
Not everyone feels the same for you.
When lonely
Learn to be contend.
That’s the ultimate reality.
Life is a flow of events.
Learning to sail is living.
The greatest reality is this moment.
Live it to the best and harvest peace .
But yes, everyone has real friends in life .
Often unidentified but help flows like a fountain when ever needed.
Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das .
#reflections.
With this hyper dynamic work centric life, it’s natural to feel mundane at times.
But as life keeps flowing we all tend to gather a lot of trash along the way. I have realised that decluttering life of all stress, strain and that unwanted adrenaline surge is the way forward to healthy living. This inturn helps to keep a symbiosis between productivity and relaxation. Perhaps the art of letting go unwanted weight is the final key to the destination of satiety.
This technique of drifting off from pain and fatigue has many avenues. Some people relax with music, some with books or movies. Yet others relieve by holidaying and some just sleep over.
I have lately learnt a wonderful way to catch up with the past which is always beautiful. We often marvel our childhood passions, and that carries a spark of longevity and fantasy. I have learnt that the sheer happiness that we get out of such activities is beyond easy contrivance. I love to play on a swing in the park, ride on a merry go round and all the adventure rides. Besides, even playing with crackers and fireworks makes me ” happy”.These simple and often inexpensive activities flush out a lot of pain and strain that we keep holding.
It’s the law of nature, that we are born alone and then grow up with our first family , as we move forward we create our own nest. But with time the chronology may be in different sequences we land up being alone again. This phase of life may be full of uncertainties and helplessness . The spirit to hold on and yet feel good can be manipulated by these simple efforts.
life if full of unseen events for everyone .It’s upto each of us to play our cards on time and keep ourselves going.
At the end it’s health and happiness that are our richest harvests. These little endeavours may prove to be a fountain of support to feel strong and peaceful as long as possible.
Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das
Home, “ our comfort nest”
for sure nobody will protest.
Apart from this divine appeal.
What makes home peaceful?
A voice who asks how was your day?
Be it a parent, Sibling, Spouse or kid.
They are the drive for us to live.
We work to keep going.
But without others needs to meet.
The drive to fulfil our emotion to live,
often makes a retreat.
Imagine a home with no festive needs.
Yes, Home “Our comfort nest”
for sure nobody will protest.
But a buzzing family with expectations in quinary.
Is finally the cherry on the pudding of each family.
Imagine a home where you are the queen.
You greet your self with every need.
Celebrations are around you alone.
Happiness, remorse, laughter and tears are all your solitude dear.
At the end of it all no body accepts.
That for a soul like that to be smiling and happy, is a celebration of courage, confidence, determination and love.
Let us all reflect our light.
To every lonely home that wishes to shine.
Light brightens on reflection.
Every being is the almighty’s creation.
If we spread happiness,
These lonely souls shall quieten.
Life at the end is what you give
never valued on what we take.
By
Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das
Every person will for sure have beautiful stories to share about some somersaulting events in life. Here is one such which made me believe once again that patience and hard work can move anything.
I recall my early years as a single mom, when our financial needs were bigger to realise our childrens career and education.It’s actually like suddenly falling off from heaven when you realise that you are all alone with your brilliant kids. When a successful father is offloaded from the journey of life with commitments just blossoming, the responsibility is herculean on a pampered woman, who was always basking under the umbrella of her partner.
The teething problems are all tangled up with the lack of confidence.I recall how I counted every penny before any meagre expenses. Our elder son who was then preparing for his 10th grade board examination, had asked me if I could afford a one is to one special tuition for him for science. I juggled though my resources and my confidence crashed. I had to confess that Rs 1000 per month at that time would be impossible for me to bear. This pain haunts me even today. But luckily he accepted it in the right spirit. When that board results came in, I saw he missed the highest mark in science by just 1. This feeling is crushing but if you reflect its also a blessing. Our boys learnt to appreciate the value of money at that tender age.
life moved on with patience and immense perseverance on the part of all three of us. I moved to a more comfortable financial zone and our boys climbed up the ladder of life facing all hurdles with confidence.
Presently, our elder one has his own start up for almost 2 years now and the younger one at 24 is able to live the life of his dreams but of course with dedication and commitment to work.
As I was sailing through a lonely working Durga Puja this season. I was all along reflecting on the beautiful memories we have of the festivals when the kids were home.
On the day of Bijaya Dasami, when everyone wishes for the triumph of good over evil. My life just came pouring in with material happiness.Our elder son called and we mom and son had a long heart to heart conversation. That alone is a great pleasure for any mother.But God seemed to be kinder. At the end of our happy exchanges, he softly said, ” Ma my company has moved to the next level”. I unwittingly asked, what does that mean. He humbly replied from today we are valued much more than I ever imagined .
Oh Dear ! Life truly takes its own space and time to give you your dues. This boy could not get a tuition worth over 10 dollars about 15 years back, today tells his mom the value of his brain child” Triple Blind”.
This just proves that sweat, blood and patience can reach most material goals. I say this because I feel for real peace of mind and happiness one will also have to work on it. I told my boy ” Touch wood, thank the almighty and learn to also be peaceful and content”.
life moves on but to count our blessings and be an arcadian soul is another art to master .
By
Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das
A warm summer morning, Maria sits on the couch of her balcony sipping her morning cuppa. It soaks in that yes she is not too far from her diamond jubilee birthday.A few brisk years and she will be there. She wonders, what has these streaks of grey and years of toil taught me?
Yes before I drift away its important to mention that Maria has been a teacher for 30 years today. Like all other women she has also juggled through motherhood, home and family. But what’s important is she has groomed many student careers. She has been an academic mother and navigated many pupils to successful destinations.
Maria is not too ambitious. She believes in good work culture and a peaceful life. But alas !! she works for the government. It’s immaterial what you have done for three decades, whether you slogged or slept. What is important is how intelligent you are in juggling your strings, image and humility in front of the men in power.
True that India is a democratic country. But Maria fails to perceive the essence of it these days.
People are voted to power to represent us all. But once in power very few abide by democratic guidelines.
Public humiliation on camera of news channels and social media is the trend of the day.
Just because Mr X is a departmental minister for a couple of months/ years, does democratic principles permit such absolutism?
Honoured , empowered and admired is the officer who is a good juggler. Overtime life has gathered experiences and realisations. But today it looks like being considered dishonest and indisciplined is the norm. How has the world been moving all these years.
Maria runs through the morning news paper. It seems to be packed with horror stories of price hike, robbery, defeat and insecurities. A brisk shower and morning chores as for three long decades. She drives to work and reaches before time.
The office staff smiles and hands her a notification. She realises another intelligent and connected employee has been upgraded. Maria does not ever yearn for anything like that.
But she mutters to herself, Oh! Lord I hope I am not crushed once again.
Maria feels like telling her students ” Don’t loose ground whenever you grow up”. But lackaday she may be targeted for more woes on her way.
She drives back home at the end of a long strenuous day only with insecurities thinking…… hopefully I am not a prey to these pontifical domineering democratic leaders or their followers.
If this is work culture nurturing today. We don’t know what we are headed for.
Maria goes to bed crestfallen for now she cannot start a new life nor can she drop out. It’s next morning again and she is off to work with dedication but no expectation.
She has to work to sustain and prays she can do that till the end.
We, humans, are often dissatisfied with whatever we have been offered in life. We wish to have a better job, a more beautiful house, a fancier car, luckier stars, and everything on a superlative scale because that’s what usual human perception is. As the saying goes “grass is greener on the other side”. However, this quality in humans is also a reason that we thrive by improving ourselves. But the flip side to it is in the pursuit of happiness we never know where to curb it. This again is perhaps the commonest cause of frustration and low self-esteem. It’s prudent to improve oneself for a brighter tomorrow. But when to call it an achievement and when to continue aspiring for more depends on how well a person understands himself.
I realized if a genie walks onto this earth and gives each of us a choice to shuffle our shoes with whoever we want. I am sure no intelligent person can choose any. The fact is if someone is pecuniarily rich, he may be poor in health or relationships may be unhappy. Nobody in this world has been spared from holding grief on their backpack of experiences in life.
So, this choice of spotting one person and then shuffling shoes and walking ahead is far fancier than factual.
If you ask oneself whether a teenager or a supposedly matured person in the 4th, 5th, or 6th decade of life or even an octogenarian, some triggers of happiness are common.
- A new shirt
- A gift from a loved one. Coffee with a friend.
- A nice haircut, a meal cooked by a loved one.
- A phone call from children, siblings, or good friends.
These are the myriad of blessings of life taken for granted. When such simple priceless things can release our happy endorphins, why should we crave more? This unrealistic yearning makes a man feel that Mr. X is happier because he drives a Tesla or lives in a grand house. But prying nearer you may find his family life or health is in crumbles. The fact is if one has a happy home that dines, wine, and sleeps under one roof with happy vibes, there is a no bigger blessing.
We often thus overlook these priceless triggers for happiness and aspire for more. Wealth can never buy ecstasy. Being content is a personalized, internalized perception. One needs to subdue the inferno of baseless feelings that can breach our internal tranquility. The fact remains that nobody in this world is free from hardships, grief, pain, and hurdles. But at the same time, everyone has blessings to be grateful for. The fact that we have seen the light of this day, that we had a good meal and enjoyed the warmth of a happy family is not to be taken for granted. Nobody in this world has an all-rosy life.
Work, home, family, health, siblings, children, friends everything is never in the order in anyone’s life. One source of pain is enough to dampen all other springs of happiness. This is the truth in everyone’s life. The difference is some highlight their curses and others are thanksgiving by nature. In the end, it’s our attitude towards life that builds our spirit. If on honestly look in, we can perceive that my misfortunes are better than another’s. For with every disaster the path to elucidation lightens up. Once we are done with it we learn gratitude, humility, and the art of being cheerful. The plethora of diverse events in life helps us to realise that we are best where we are and the unrealistic desire to crave for someone else’s life is asinine.
These days with families being small and people being generally independent and perhaps less malleable, living alone is commoner. Gone are the days of joint families with half a dozen siblings. Back in the day, there would always be an aunt, cousin or a parent or sibling who would hold on whenever circumstances made a person live alone.
But now you will often find people of diverse age groups preferring to live alone. Some have pets and many others have a household help for company. Honestly living alone is a huge freedom if one wishes to enjoy.
The major prerequisites to live alone are .
- Enjoying solitude
- Independent by nature .
- Confident to face daily life alone.
- Health being congenial
- Financial independence to the level possible.
People who have these characteristics ingrained in their nature always enjoy their own company the most.The hurly burly scenes of crowds together enjoying is not always a delectation.They start feeling the highest gaiety in solitude or with a selected number of friends.
These people are usually not always very social because they have other sequences in their priorities.However they definitely have a basket full of countable trusted friends. Such personalities are happy reading a book, listening to music or travelling alone instead of hanging around with buddies.They trust that in a crisis there are people who hold their hands to help sail along.
Staying by oneself with selected interactions is definitely not being lonely but just augustly eclectic .
Life is actually what you groom yourself to be.Some people find it harsh and distressing to enjoy a meal alone or go to the theatre by themselves. Whereas these people love the wilderness of travelling in seclusion.This bliss of perception is savoir faire. As one learns to love oneself, with time unpremeditatedly they nurture hikikomori to some extend.
But the thin line between being happy alone and also enjoying companionship to being a complete recluse is thin and rather important to discern.
The sequitur to this is ” rich is a person who does not need the approval of another to be happy.”
Our thoughts and lifestyle are usually a product of the situation we evolve out of and that is life.
But all said and done happiest is the person who expects everything out of self. If you are yourself the bearer of all your expectations you will learn to draw the line of contentment.
Man is a social being, help is crucial, solitude is bliss but in the hour of crisis the treasure of trusted companionship is indispensable.
by
Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das
“Single woman” is an identity created by the society for women who stay on without a partner beyond perhaps the 3rd or 4th decade of life onwards. This happens either by choice, separation, divorce, or demise of the partner who today may be of the same gender or opposite.Its beyond then purview of this writeup to discuss about same sex relationship and transgender.
The reason behind highlighting the issues around being single in the society today is that many of the situations are never ever focussed or understood.
Being single as a young woman in the third or fourth decade is a little different from the issues in later life be it 6th, 7th or 8th decades of life.
A section of young presentable women simply face a volley of questions from some morbidly curious people.They want a well researched case summary as to why you have chosen to remain single.
Are you still in love with the man who came to your life as a partner or husband.These queries are often disgusting and unpalatable.At the other end are the ones who like to eve’s drop with derision if a single woman frequently goes out with a male friend or takes a regular ride in someone’s car.For the middle-class Indian mind set the accepted norm is your either are married or in a relationship or pitiably single.
From my journey of being a widow in my third decade of life with two little kids till almost two decades now. I have realised, *People generally take pleasure in showing pity and not empathy. *Most people are happy when you are struggling through troubled waters. *If by chance your ship of life reaches an anchor, oops! 8 out of 10 people are begrudging in reaction.
As a doctor when I started multitasking by working in multiple places to meet my families financial needs. I was actually nurturing two little geniuses who had holy grails for successful futures. At that point in life I met colleagues who advised me to stay back at home and be a good mother.The society often misunderstands that a single woman can stand the rage and be a bread earner, a mother, a daughter, a teacher and yet live a good life.This finally steers the boat of the family to reach a destination of choice.
Yes, even today a class of cowardice machos do take these woman for a ride. More so in domains where females are generally less competent. If you try to construct a house or settle land matters, hurdles are many. I accept that these situations unless a person is acquainted with, the feeling of being taken adrift is universal.But the response encountered by a single female in these places of work are at times most dispiriting. I have landed up paying 4 times the usual rate because of ignorance about the concerned matter.
These sundry of umpteen experiences has a list unending.
It would also be completely erroneous to not mention the arduous journey of any single parent and the sacrifices needed to make it worthy.
The idea of this piece is definitely not to project that single females lead a thorny life. They also have their privileges and pleasures.If someone is single by choice or even by chance with no added heavy responsibilities life is enjoyable.The lady who opts to live within her fetters can celebrate her living to boundless contentment. However health and finances are crucial pre determinants to plan anything in life. Blessed are the ones who enjoy solitude and are by nature independent and confident.
Recently the news of a celebrity female who did the cremation rites of her husband has been focussed in various forums with admiration. But without any prejudice I wish to mention that in my late 30’s, I did my husband’s last rites as the kids were too young to accomplish such devoir.
After that over the next two decades I enjoyed all the good and bad of life and living including the hassles of job and postings away from home. However if any single mother can be courageous enough to malleably slide along the curves and corners of life and take blind dives into unknown waters, the sailing may be rough but life gets going.
Recently also on the demise of my father, me and my sister did his last rites.We never thought it’s something to mention about. I thank my stars that I’ve been born to a family where gender discrimination for shouldering responsibilities was never nurtured.
Being a woman is a wonderful journey, but not to be prejudiced during upbringing is crucial. It is definitely a curse to believe that chores and obligations are gender biased. The perils and privileges are as such not the same for everyone. The society where one is born and brought up largely determines the social blessings and hurdles.
One major concept life has taught me is expectation is the source of all pain. It is the naive and untutored single female who hopes that help comes from people who you actually believe are your closest. Life has taught me that I survive on help that has poured into my journey as blessings from most unexpected seraphs.
Many a times I’ve gone and hit a dark wall which looks like the end of everything. But suddenly a lamp lites up from nowhere and I am guided to rise again.This promise to rise and fall is crucial for every human being. But the difference here is, you often do not have a crutch to hold on and limp.
If one has a family, however small or languorous the members are. All same people join hands in distress.The unhappily married woman often does not realise, that a partner itself is a social security. Besides if your partner shares financial responsibilities that’s another benediction. Baring major marital mishaps,I am tickled when some women complains about their qualified spouses being useless. If there is a soul in this world who will extend a hand when you are drowning then one cannot be luckier.
All said and done, it takes courage to manage life alone.Yes, one needs to be resilient to many social trenchancy. But I am yet to equip myself to face the rage of old age and physical limitations.
When such thoughts haunt I take consolation in the fact that, sailing this far was possible with blessings unforeseen. I presume the sun will set on life when it should. Trying not to hold on to fear expectations and hope, but it’s for sure an uphill battle.
By
Dr Madhumita Priyadarshini Das