Madhumita's Blog

A sleepless , alert night and she wakes up exhausted trying to introspect why all the dilemma has crept into a tranquil life even after tormentous storms failing to hunch her down becauseof the strong instinct of motherhood in her .
She had unknowingly taken a pledge to stand by her children singlehandedly and make them good human beings and as far as possible realise their dreams come what may . It was all along this strong heavenly instinct that kept everything else under the carpet of resilience and acceptance till this day dawned when she realized that life was gradually slipping out of her grip and there was an urgent need to introspect and channelize the priorities  that could bring back the lost sense of peace and blessing that always reigned over the last almost one and a half decade of living a life of a single mother of two promising kids and a government job as a doctor which was enough in terms of financial stability to persue the life she could dream of under the compelling circumstances .

Sipping her morning tea in the balcony of a rural medical college , she realised that this is definitely not the life that she would like to continue with .

Elderly parents all alone at home residing 200 kms away and children across the globe and she alone in a shared government accomodation after having put in over 25 years of dedicated  service to the profession it was time to take a call and slip into her adventurous shoes once again and balance risk and safety with heroism and a blind mighty jump from stability to uncertainty but undoubtedly with faith and optimism that the future will hold her throughin the carrying the small basket of financial commitments she still had left unfinished to the promise of motherhood that had kept her going till date .

She took a mighty plunge .

Yes , that was exactly the background when she almost instantaneously put in her voluntary retirement papers to the government inspite of having calculated that she was sacrificing  over 12 years to go for her scheduled superannuation.   Next was building up her homework of backup plan A , Plan B and on and on but always wrapped with the power of strong optimism that ” If I do my best the almighty shall take care of the rest .”

An extrovert personality by nature she never left any person categorized as” friend ” to share her life changing decision that she had curved into her already bumpy existence .

As the days rolled on to months and the auspicious day dawned when she had completed  her scheduled period of notification ,she counseled herself to face the rage of the situation and got all her am munitions in terms of courage and optimism hold her wings and she was almost off to take her flight .

Ring ring , the phone goes and there speaks a stranger from an unknown number , ” Madam , you need to come to the seat of power , the state Secretariat   today , for there is a government order ready for you ” .

BANG , there is a tremor , sweating , hurry and hesitation , Oh God ! what would the comprehension of this once in a lifetime government order be framed like . It was like driving to a temple to get wedded to a man who was not very familiar , but yes with relief and remorse , confidence and fidgeting she reached her destination only to be handed over an order which read that she was transferred back to her hometown .

OMG !! What is this , she had requested for a premature retirement being convinced that a hometown posting was not anymore on her platter even in the wildest of her dreams but when the authorities decide and destiny plays the cards no rhyme or reason could come in between .

Not knowing what to call this  situation in the midst of a storm of uncertainties   she accepted destiny as she always did and could perceive that she was matured enough to handle life as preset by the unseen in spite  of feeling jerks in the mind , heart and soul .

Today she actually stands where she always was and all speculations suddenly off the horizon , but thankfully to work from back home in the comfort zone of her elderly parents and children far away .But no power on earth can beat the gossip gathered around her turn of events .

Off late she stands controversially in the eye of a storm of queries and conversation.

How on earth did this single apparently weak fragile female battle through this war of high voltage connections to reach a destination which colleagues refuse to believe that she had actually given up in reality .

The smoke around the flameless fire bellows up in the confused eyes of the comrades around and the wind echoes in their ears saying , we are baffled , clueless  and unwilling to accept that single females can rise up , fight ,prove , move and continue to stand up .

For this society knows no empathy and can only swing between sympathy and envy .

Its either black or white , there are no shades of grey .

DR MADHUMITA PRIYADARSHINI DAS

Music , colors,  food and excitement all are a part of enjoyment with home and family whether  one wishes to agree or not . But the challenge is in enjoying life to its fullest even when you are single because you’ve prematurely  lost your partner and have yet managed to nurture your children to be good human beings and have allowed them to happily grow their wings and fly out of the nest to destinations of their choice with no iota of selfish  insecurities .

This is exactly the situation where when one sits and feels content if and only if the attitude is of acceptance .

Its very easy to comment about the other persons boots beings lighter but as the saying goes , its only the owner who knows where the shoe pinches .

Yes for a lady looking up at life with positivity always out to harvest every occasion for celebration there is left no stone unturned to feel contended and happy with what ever is offered on the platter called luck  .

Its wonderful to live such a life on a day to day going because it gradually makes you so used to the space you have that even watching a movie or holidaying needs no reason to look for companions . But if one has to confess honestly atleast for me the situation where I still skid a little is somehow the days of significance like birthdays , anniversaries, festivals etc . I know I am not the party loving soul and infact enjoy my” Me Me “space a lot but when such days come by I wish there was a companion to share be it children or spouse  but I know if wishes were horses even beggars would fly .

But the bottom line of such a special life is solitude actually becomes a part of our core personality and finally when there is too much of interference s  we perceive a sense of being  claustrophobic  . But I would be dishonest if I do not admit that the sense of being  lost in the moment with friends around truely appeals to people like us as I think for everyone else .

Life is actually so beautiful if we can sequence our perspectives  and channelize  our priorities that no situation can actually make one feel deserted , unhappy or insecure .

The most important domain that needs a control of the bandwidth is ” Expectation” . Its human to expect but its maturity to know where to draw a line to it . Experiences of interaction with each individual being  actually helps us to circumscribe  our limit of expectations from that source . But the unabated feeling of belonging that we spontaneously develop with some people be it family or friends can at times be a nidus  for a transient feeling of being shattered and low . This usually has a quick recovery if you move away from the source .

But all said and done its been an untiring effort to feel secured and confident at times of physical illnesses for its then and unfailingly  at that helpless moment that we all wish to feel a warm hand over our forehead and say ” Yes I stand by you , feel safe ”

Solitude is a blissful attitude with confidence as the cornerstone.

DR MADHUMITA PRIYADARSHINI DAS

Today every inhabitant of Guwahati is a Guwahatian.

Even if someone is the first generation of holding in this over populated bustling city he claims to be as much a guwahatian as much as a 5th generation in this city who has seen it transform from a small town restricted to Phacybazar , Machkhowa , Panbazar , Uzanbazar upto Guwahati club .In the late 1950’s I understand buying a plot of land in Chandmari by my maternal grandfather was calculated because he believed that since the Guwahati Refinery was coming up it was expected to develop from the patches of jungle to habitation.

When we were children in the late 1960’s and 70.s growing up in panbazar we were used to seeing a bullock cart coming home every 6 months with paddy and we were told by my grabdmother that it was from our paddy field in Beltola ( now in and around tha MLA hostel )

Our shopping meant JB Mangaram , Jammatolla , Sheikh Brothers . Kamrup Bakery , Delhi Cloth House , DCM .Deb brothers and Delight restaurant . Ladies with style would shop in Eves’ corner .

Photography was College studio .

Book stalls were Western Book Depot , Mani Manik Prakash and Bani Prakash .

The first posh dinning came with Belle Veue . We always had a belief that whenever an uncle or cousin came from overseas a family gettogether in Belle Veue was a ritual .

Our cars were Ambassadors and Fiats , mostly second hand and those who opted to buy a new one would drive it down from Calcutta in style .

Weddings were essentially within ones own courtyard and for people like us who lived in the commercial hub like Panbazar the Municipality without any hassles would grant us permission to block main roads like Jasowanta road for 2 or 3 days for a wedding even 25 years back .

The club for sport lovers was ” India Club ” and their chowkidar Jhatka would come home every month to collect the dues and bring us tattered tennis balls to play with at home .

For the more elite club lovers was Guwahati club where people would play bridge  in the evenings and celebrate christmas ans New year with Children .I clearly remember one of my grandmothers saying that this club is my temple .

Some went beyond to have membership in the OIL club in Narengi where we could learn swimming .

Schools were Cotton Collegiate , Kamrup Academy , TC School , Panbazar girls school , St Mary’s and Don Bosco. Of course the Kendria Vidalaya’s were there ..

Now it is difficult for us to believe that we are not deserving residents of Guwahati if you are not connected politically or bureaucratically. Today a true Guwahatian is a person with a strong aura of connections , power and financial stability . We have been thrown out of the main stream in many ways although our ancestors played a silent but crucial role in the making of this happening city of today .